I am having a really bad day. It is now 5a.m. and I still have not been to bed. I am so sick of not being able to sleep!!
I feel like my world is falling apart and I dont know what to do. I am feeling really down and just hate myself. I am sick of work, tired of dealing with my life at home it is all just getting to me.
Well I guess I could start at the begining……….
I have had depression on and off for years I have been doing pretty good with it. I have not been on meds in almost 4 years ( I had to get on meds then because my dad passed away) b4 that it was 5 years or so since I was on them.
Now I am married and have children and I have a job. My husband just lost his job a little over two weeks ago so now I am working more. Where b4 I was only working a few days a week. I have always been a stay at home mom. But I was starting to go nutty being in the house all the time so I thought a part time job would do me good.
But now I am working 6 or 7 days a week, long hours and bad pay. I have no time for my life. I come home so tired, but can not sleep. I have a messy house I do not want to deal with. A husband that does not understand my depression and thinks I am full of crap for saying there is something wrong with me.
He does not get when I start crying for no reason and I can not explain to him what is wrong becuase he laughs or does not listen and it makes it all the worse.
So back to today……I am feeling like I can cry, run away, just go hide. I am feeling so down about all kinds of things…….I can not stand how I look today, I am sick of working my crappy job, my kids are fighting and not listening to a word I say, I feel like I never get any attention from my husband, I feel so sad.
I wish I had someone to talk to that would understand what I am feeling. Half of the time I dont even understand why I feel like crying.
I am so sick of feeling like an outcast in my husbands eyes ggggrrrrrrrr!
Well I guess I am done for now or atleast until the hubby is not in the room trying to read what I write (lol)