Well I just plain give up on tryign to get back with my ex, she doesn't want it, she doesn't want to deal with my emotions and she refuses to deal with her own either. I've sat around for the last year while she slept with man after man after man telling me she feels nothing, telling me she doesn't understand why she does it, telling me that if I dated she'd stop talking to me.
I'm just done honestly…I told her hey, if you want to be in a relationship you have my number, I'm not logging on facebook or anything anymore. I don't expect her to call, I know her, she's stubborn, she always thinks she's right and she will never admit to being wrong. Coming back to me would be admitting she was wrong and I know that won't happen. So from now on I have to just assume I'm alone.
I hope that I have enough discipline to stick to that. I know I love her, I always will, and if I had a chance with her I'd take it. But I can't take the chance of being the guy waiting around for her to cry on after she can't deal with her own decision to sleep with men. I get tired of hearing "So I have a date tonight…but I don't want to go" and I mean how the hell do I respond to that? 90% of the time she goes anyway, ends up saying "I won't do anything" then later "So I had sex >_>" and expects me to be there.
I really don't want to demonize her, I can tell she's still a good person in there, she did do nice things for me here and there but how am I supposed to try to hope for a relationship when she gives me nothing in the way of emotional attachment? I can't be her punching bag if she can't be there for me.
I'm going to be miserable though…this is going to be so hard for me. Yeah, part of me is wishing she'll call, I want her to say "I'm sorry, I love you will you please forgive me, we can make this work" but I know damn well that it's just a hope in my head and she's probably thinking "That stupid jerk thinks he can manipulate me into getting back with him" but I don't want that at all. Why would I want to be with her out of manipulation? I want to be loved, that's the only reason I'd want to be with her again is if she still loved me. Now I have a very hard day at work to get through…this is going to be real rough for me for a long time.