I just dont understand life sometimes. Why God does what he does. It makes me so angry. My life is falling apart right now and I have no control over it. I cant stop crying, stairing into space or pacing around. My thoughts are so scattered between  three things that I feel like I am literally going crazy. The first event happened almost a month ago. I am an RN who works in an Emergency room. I was on duty that night as the charge nurse. It was a horrendous nite. I think one of the busiest nites in my 25yr career. Anyway, A 4yo kid came in with a very high fever and a cough. He waited out in the waiting room for a long time and then he finally got back in his room. Well, It wasnt probably an hour after that he had a seizure and stopped breathing. We worked on him for over an hour. In the end we could not save him. We tried so hard, but nothing we did worked. Everybody was crying. His mom was with him the whole way holding on to his little foot at times. He was such a beautiful little boy. Beautiful features. Such long eye lashes. Would be a ladies man for sure. So I have been stuggling with that painful ordeal for the last 3 weeks.

Yesterday, I was laying down prior to getting ready to go into work. My parents both showed up. Which was very odd. I knew instantly something wes wrong. They came to tell me my best friend had just died in a snowmobile accident. Her and her husband and some other couples went on a weekend trip. Well that weekend trip was cut short. I still cant believe that she is dead. I am so pissed at God right now. Why did he have to take her? Her husbad is goiong to be so lost without her. They were truly soulmates. Never a fight between them. Everybody wanted to have a marrige like thiers. I dont know what thier boys are going to do, or the animals. Her one dog was attached at the hip to her. It just doesnt make sense. If God wanted to take somebody why couldlt he take somebody like me? I am not married, No kids. Not doing anything with my life. ect ect.  Why why why.

And to top it all off, March 3rd is the 3rd anniversary of my brothers suicide. and also my fathers birthday. Yipee.

Life is just grand these days!  Well, back to my crying,stairing and pacing. Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

Take care all!