everyone says writing whats on your mind will help but it really doesnt help me. I seem to think about things more. seeing a new counsler and not too sure about her but i have to give her a chance … she lets me vent really doesnt give me advice i really dont know what to expect from counslers. Im kinda figuring things out on my own but need some help solving some of my issues. Like i dont know who i am and i know that doesnt really make sense but im lost … if i had to describe myself only thing i know what to say is that i am a mom. i really dont know how to figure it out .. who am i ? another issue is that i have spent my entire life being someone im not always did what my friends did always did what my sister did never was me but how can i be me if i dont know who i am … starting to confuse myself. Even in relationships …. was never myself was always trying to be something my guy wanted instead of me.

I have the worst self esteem … i know how to fix it too but i have no motivation. If i just lost the weight and excepted the way my body looks (the scars) i would be ok. I have been through so much medical problems that i dont believe i will ever be normal. I take medication for my blood issues and the side effects are awful .. my hair stopped growing my nails are brittle my face is breaking out … making things so hard for to believe that i am pretty or will ever be pretty … everyone always says your so pretty i hate that so much.

Another issue is my family … one i have a family fight going on with my sister and everyone has taken sides which sucks and the fight is really stupid but my sister is stubborn and wont budge i have tried to make the attempt with her but she wont listen she is a control freak. the worst part for me is that my niece and son are affected … i am so close to my niece and now i barely see her i hate it breaks my heart but it doesnt fade my sister at all. She just had a baby another girl and i have seen her maybe 3 times its driving me crazy hurts so much.

the other issue is i have this need to make my family happy i hate when they are disappointed in me makes me sick. so once again i pretend to be someone i am not just so i can get there approval. driving myself crazy i have to work on this problem fast cause i am going to end up sick cause im so worried about it. I dont want them to know that i am depressed cause of what they might think of me.

i wish i wasnt so tired i really need sleep … i taking sleeping pills and they dont work. i really feel hopeless … i wish i had all the answers…sigh

2 Comments
  1. ziquester 14 years ago

    you’ve been so busy trying to be someone else,you’ve forgotten who you are…its amazing most teenagers I know are lost because they dont know a lot about themselves.And without that knowledge,it brings about a lot of problems and issues that nag and nag at you and eventually wears you down.
    its easy to start to know yourself..like knowing what you like to do,what interests your mind..reading helps,if you read a variety of books,sooner or later,you’d be pulled to a certain kind and you’ll find out you love those kinda books and stories of them and have a deep interest for those things.
    Another thing is just throwing yourself out there..without thought,doing something random..fun and see how far you can go.Or finding yourself a challenge..solving a dispute,all these things can help you figure out yourself because it brings out your strengths and weaknesses and in time,you’ll know what you want and dont want from life..people,etc.Making time for yourself..self analysis of your life is important too so you know how you are feeling and doing and where you are heading.A lotta work but it saves you a lot from being mentally drained.
    Sorry to hear about the family dispute though,must really suck for you.But I hope your sister realises the harm shes causing from her stubborness and makes a positive move to resolve things.But things will get better,dont you worry:D

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  2. ithastogetbetter 14 years ago

    I am sorry you are so confused. Honey the only thing I can say is, stop trying to make everyone else happy and work on making yourself happy. Work on finding out who you are first then everything else will fall into place. No matter how hard you work on trying to make everyone one happy it wont work.So just make yourself and your child happy first and foremost. As for what you should expect from your councilor is some guideance, not telling what to do but advice as to how to get what you need. Sit down and write down what goals you would like to achieve while you are there with her and tell her you would like to reach them. Just remember to start off with short term goals. Easy ones at first then work up to something a little more work. That is what I did and we are working on them a little bit at a time. Short term goals or baby steps lead to reaching your long term goals. Just a bit of advice. I hope everything starts to get better for you.
    Ronica

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