I don't know what has gotten into me lately, Im just not coping at the moment, last night at work I nearly lost the plot and walked out. i have to be very careful what I do or say at work as I have only been there for 2.5 years where as My sister is the big boss and she has been there over 35 years.
I am not handling the two-faced bullies that one minute pat you on the back with a cheesy smile then cut you down and call you areshole to other staff behind your back. I cant tell my sister any of this as she has worked with them for so long they are her friends and they seem to have more connection with her than she does with me.
I have written my resignation but then again I should not let them win. Its a good paying job. Public system pays a lot more than the private sector. And on several occasions I am in charge of the facility which is reallygood money. And I wouldn't be able to explain the reason properly to my sister.
I wish I could go off on stress leave for a few days. that won't solve the issue though. Im just so tired and over all the bad feeling. Im 53 years old not a school child. Depression just leaves me vulnerable to hurt more. and not cope with all the crap like I would if I was stronger.
I hope these feelings of self loathing and fear soon go away, I feel like I am scared of my own actions at the moment. I see my psychologist next week. Not soon enough for me.
She has now moved further away from here so she is not here as often now. What should I do.