so recently i let a few friends go. even though i wouldnt really call them friends, they were more like frienemies. one i had been friends with (best friends) for the last ten years, and as someone who knows him better than everyone ive come to the conclusion that he is a total sociopath. i filled out a questionaire online entitled how to spot a sociopath and he fit pretty much the whole criteria. i stopped being his friend because well, im sure pictures will explain it better:

this is basically what resulted after he had been making fun of me because i struggle to do things like hold down a job or maintain normal relations with people because of my anxiety, everything ive been through (i.e. being molested by my father, my mother being a drug addict who abandoned me, my grandfather beating the crap out of me etc etc) and everything i still go through because im so traumatized from basically my entire past (wow total run on sentence). that is what he did when i got angry and stood up for myself. and yes i did raise my voice but i did not put my hands on him or harm him in any sort of way. after all that happened i deleted him from all my online social profiles and blocked him, took his number out of my phone, and just decided that it doesnt matter how long ive known him, i am far better off without someone as negative as him in my life because im dead sure that having toxic people in your life really affects your outlook on the world and life in general. and this sucks because i dont have many friends who live in this area as most of my old friends have moved. i mean i still keep in contact with them but i dont get to see them. so basically i spend most of my time these days holed up in my room.

anyways the other person was a girl (who is also friends with the guy i was talking about and has been desperate to replace me as his best friend for as long as i can remember) and i told this girl so much stuff about me that i would never tell most people, and she turned right around and went and told other people. infact most of what i told her in the strictest of confidence got back to me through other various sources. which is just fucked. well i bit my tounge, because not everyone is perfect and not to sound like a narcissist but i have an inkling that this girl was jealous of me and i felt somewhat sorry for her because she has lower self esteem than i do. but the last straw was when one night i was really depressed, i called her and told her i didnt want to be alone. she said she had a few errands to run but she would come pick me up and we would go to a movie that night. well instead she didnt even bother to call me and she ended up going out with other people and getting drunk. and she said she "accidently" got drunk. which is just stupid. anyone knows that if you drink more than a few drinks containing alcohol you become intoxicated. i honestly felt it was an insult to my intelligence. so i told her i didnt appreciate it and she started getting catty. so basically i told her that i knew she had been talking behind my back, and that a few people were fed up with her. so she had the people she was with call me and text me, calling me fat (when she knows i have an eating disorder) telling me i have no friends and i was just jealous because i was all alone. and calling me names like cunt, bitch etc etc. people i had never even met before. needless to say i was pretty appauled. so i ended that friendship because i prefer people who are genuine and not going to play games with me.

well all that being said. these two people are now inseperable, which i was pretty sure it was going to happen. which doesnt bother me all that much. what does bother me is that in the course of the last week i have received text messages from both of them. one was from the guy and he was telling me what his new cell phone number is and i texted him back and said dont text me again. and i know it was probably just his pathetic way of him guaging what his standing with me was because he probably thinks that we'll make up eventually and everything will be just peachy keen (which isnt gonna happen, not this time. the first time he put his hands on me (he choked me) i forgave him because i was much younger and stupider). and today i received a text message from her because today is his birthday and it said "johns birthday cheddars at 7". i texted back saying "like i give a fuck" which was immature on my part, i should have just ignored her. in reply she said something to the extent of "oh wrong andrea you arent allowed to come to girl beaters barry's (his last name is barry) birthday party." which really really pissed me off. she was making light of what he did and just being so cavalier about it like it aint no think for him to leave scrapes and bruises on me. and further more she was acting like its funny. it made me SO mad. i wanted to punch things and possibly track her down and punch her in her face (and i am not a violent person by any means, i didnt even fight back when he pushed me to the ground and left bruises on my chest from how hard he pushed me). i probably wouldnt get so mad but i havent eaten anything so far today and my blood sugar is probably so low. im too mad to even think about eating now.

i know these people are out of my life and i shouldnt worry about it but i just dont understand how people can be so disrespectful and petty about something that i regard to be pretty damn serious.

i just felt like i should write a blog to get it out of me you know? and i feel a tiny bit better but im still mad. MAD MAD MAD.