I sit here tonight, alone, not really nowing what to do. I'm tired but I really don't want to go to sleep. Things are spinning in my head today. For the most of the day I was feeling pretty good and now I'm not doing so well. I really don't know why except maybe the hatred I have for my mom and the disappointment I have towards both my parents. I thought the last seven years of therapy would take care of it and it would not effect me anymore but it does a lot, it does more that a lot and I really hate going from a really good day ending in a real shitty mood not wanting to do much of anything losing all hope for anything. I try to stay strong because well its about the only thing I really can do. I have a great friend helping me out and is probably there for me more than I am aware of. I feel misplaced though in life. I feel I dont belong anywhere. I know the medicine is just getting in my body but I feel nothing is working. I feel really freaking angry and I try to live life the best I can by not worrying about all the negative stuff and trying to focus on what I really want to do. I see myself selling screenplays and making movies and if I can see then eventually it will happen. I dont know yet quite how thats going to happen but it will. I guess I'm a little heart broken as well because of both my parents. I need to get over them not caring or giving two shits about me but its so hard. I've been let down by them so many times. I really dont want any contact from either one of my parents for quite some time. I want to get to a place where I believe I dont have parents. Why should I care how they feel when they dont care about me? Why cant I be selffish like them? Why do I care so much that they dont care? I think I'm going to start a fresh. I dont care about either one of my parents and if anyone ask about them my answer will be I dont know and I dont care.


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