First of all please can I say do not judge, I am so ashamed to say but I really want help with stopping cocaine. Before I had my little girl (who is 9 months now) I used to go out with my partner and we would do it when we were out drinking and that was fine. Over the past two years it has really got out of hand and I find myself relying on it all the time. My partner has stopped doing it and does never crave it like I do. I now find myself sitting at home doing it on my own, yes I now how sad am I and I feel so EMBARRASSED about it! I feel like I am in a terrible hole as I can never say no to it, meaning I will get one after another and wake up the next morning realizing how much I have spent and getting all worried and depressed about it.
It has got to the point where I would rather sit at home and do 1-3 bags than go out, I am ashamed and really want to stop but I find it so difficult! My partner and I argue so much over it as he hates how much I am doing it and cannot stand to be around me when I am on it- he constantly says just stop doing it what is wrong with you- I wish it was that easy but I am really struggling!
I have such a beautiful baby girl… why is that not making me want to stop doing it?! I love her to bits and would never put her in risk but why am I being so selfish and not stopping it? My partner always says to me look at her how can you not stop knowing you have such a healthy beautiful baby- why cant I, it makes me feel sick!