Hi:

To all my normal friends. Hey we are all normal it is everyone else that is not. Ok sorry about the humor. Well we do have the overworking brains. LOL

So, yesterday I guess I had what you can call for my OCD symptoms guilt  as well as a setback. I finished my blog yesterday and looked outside. I convinced myself I did not need to write what I saw or heard for the list to tell my dad. Well, I then started feeling better and I said I can't do this. If I do this my father is going to think I am all the way back to normal and ask when I am going to start looking and applying for work. I look everyday. The point is my OCD probably got to the point where I had passed the first hurdle of not writing and I did not feel as stressed. But, replacing it was the guilt feelings if I don't do this my family thinks I am better why am I not working? Sort of like the blog I read recently of someone who said they stay up all night obsessing on if they are depressed. I probably had a five minute talk with myself thinking you are not going to write this. Needless to say about an hour later I wrote the things down and wound up telling him. I had the guilt over  stress emotions. It felt better to have the stress from the list as opposed to the guilt. When I spoke to my dad that night he said I would not even be thinking of that not even in the back of my mind. He also said just because you do not mention things does not mean you are happy or better. So I was relieved but at the same time I think the guilt brought me back to doing the list. I am not saying  I was going to give up but for that point I was doing good.

Marc