Hi There:

Although, I had an ulcer 2 weeks ago and surgery . I still have 10 external staples, but I felt well enough to do a 5k, my finishing time was 19:01. Results should up soon. Placed 1st in my age bracket.

Part of the reason I am able to run is I compare the staples to the OCD, OCD is torture. Staple(minimal pain) are nothing compared the pain I have endured with this OCD crap. So the minor staple pain is worth the win of the race.


Actually, I can't stop obsessing about worrying my face is too thin. The thing is I went out this weekend to Gay Guys happy Hour. People responded to my physical appearance in such positive ways without me seeking it out. I don't even like writing that, because I don't want to sound full of myself(because I am not) Its just upsetting, because I keep finding ways of discrediting it. I can not seem to be able to accept it.


I think what is frustrating was someone complimented me who I found very attractive. So the discrediting was even worse. And the problem was this. A lot of us were at dinner, and I overheard them say someone was cute. Then I asked who did you say was cute, and they smiled and said who do you think??

 The thing is while I still discredit positive comments about my physical appearance, somewhere I believe people are being truthful when they say positive things about my physical appearance, but for some reason since this conversation was overheard, didn't hear it exactly, and act as if this was the make or break convversation if I am truly attractive.

The thing is I am happy with my appearance at home, but as soon as I leave my front door, every person I see I am thinking my face is too thin. So why can't I translate??


Like the author of the broken mirror says struggling with bdd is the perfect torture.


I am up to 450 luvox, didn't even know you could go that high. I start my new job tomorrow.

The sad thing is I am not tired from running. Not that I don't work at running, but it comes sort of natural. I am *tired* from/of my OCD. And being *drained* of feeling uncomfortable around people because of this.


OCD just runs its course, when its done with this, it seems to shift.



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