Good morning! I can't believe I am actually sharing…really sharing. For years I lived with anxiety all the time and didn't realize it. I went through a heart wrenching separation 12 years ago. On our 10th wedding anniversary to the day I found my husband at our summer home with another woman. I never looked back. I handed him my wedding ring at that moment, got in my car and drove home. Once I got there, I packed his clothes and said goodbye, leaving me with two children. My wonderful, wonderful boys…they had seen enough, he was an alcoholic and had disappointed us many times. I bought the marital home on my own, bought a new car and began living my life as a working single mom. I was so busy working full time and raising my kids. I would get up in the morning, get my kids off to school, come home, make supper and take them to whatever activity they had. My boys were very involved in sports, hockey, basketball, soccer, volleyball, etc. I was responsible for everything, medical appointments, school functions (parent/teacher meetings). So I was gone every night. I would come home, put them to bed and fall into bed exhausted and start over the following day. They were so good to me, they never fought or gave me any grief. I remember having bad migraines, we would light candles all over the house and they would bath by candlelight. They were so thoughtful. Today, I have an addition to my family with is my daughter who surprised me when I was 36. She keeps us young. My sons are doing well. My oldes will be entering his third year at a University here and working on his Honors Bachelor of Commerce with a specialization in Human Resources. My other son has just graduated from high school and will be pursuing a career as an electrical engineer. I have received many compliments over the years at how good and well rounded they are.
I was so concerned about failing that I put all my energy in ensuring that everyone was happy. I have realized with many years of counselling that I crashed hard a few months ago, because I was literally and genuinely burned out. I wouldn't change what I have done for them for anything. I am in a relationship with my daughter's father. It will be ten years on saturday and I am dreading that day! Why you ask? Because my last 10th anniversary I found my husband with another woman. I just can't believe that I still affected by this. The memories and the pain is all coming back to me now and I am having a difficult time smiling and looking forward to Saturday. My partner has been realling bugging me to go out and get me a diamond ring…well I don't need one and he is having a difficult time understanding that. Today, my partner and I have a really good life, I wish I could just enjoy it. We still live in the home that I bought 12 years ago, have renovated extensively, we own a beautiful 23 foot boat, a snowmaching, a quad, a beautiful trailer that sits on our new waterfront property 1 hour away.But more importantly, we have the three kids who are all healthy, happy and beautiful and successful in their own way.
So what's my problem? I would really appreciate any advice anyone could provide … please. And I apologize for making this so long…I just felt it was time to really really get this off my chest and I thank you for taking the time to read it. Take care.