So mom, you look at me and say oh you look like you've lost weight in your face and your mad about it. Sorry that I'm skinnier than you sorry that Ana is helping me on my way to beauty. But that isnt even what gets me.

I stop eating as much, I start losing weight and you notice. I have depression and TELL YOU ABOUT IT and you ignore it letting the problem fade away letting yourself be happier by once again being fooled by my mask. I start cutting myself and my UNOBSERVANT sister notices before you do. Not that it was for attention, not that I wanted you to notice. I dont want you to notice anything anymore because everything you notice is never noticed well enough.

You only se what you want to. You only notice whats on the surface. You never notice the red nose and puffy eyes from coming in the house after crying in the car. You dont notice how much probably not being able to go to Japan this year is destroying me. You can hear everyhting that goes on in my room except for the sobs at night.

I know you wish more than anything you could just have an emotionally and mentally normal daughter. and maybe that why you, or your subconcious, chooses to block out the obvious. Because while I am trying to hide things like my Ana Boot Camp diet I dont have to try as hard as I should to get around you because you dont WANT to notice these things going on with me.

You may want to help but i'm sure most of you wishes is will go away.

But dont worry mom because even when I die I will make sure it is in such a way that you can blame it all on me, so you will never have to deal with my problems.

Now if you could stop caring so much since you dont attempt to do anything about it anyways, that would make my life a whole hell of a lot easier.