I'm new here.
My attitude towards my HIV is really no problem. It never really was.
I went to thehospital to get a rash checked out and they took some blood to test.I was told they would get back tome in a couple of weeks or so. When I got a call from themjustafew days later, I really didn't need to go in tofind out what they were going to tell me.I had some good suspicions that I would bepositive.
The staff was more concerned with my reaction than I was. I work nights and had to go in for my results in the AM. The only thing that I was honestly concerned about was getting back home to my bed and back to sleep.
There was a bit of anxiety, but honestly, not a whole lot.
I have been in and out of depression about all my life and dealing with that and all the attending problems that it causes me bothers me far more than the HIV does.
The diagnosis arrested some insane behavior on my part and for that, in some crazy way I am grateful for having the virus. Though, if I were younger than I am now I might feel differently. I am kind of happy to get rid of my sex life. It was an obsession rather than a passion.
At this point in my life I am a lot more concerned with learning about doing adult things like having to pay my rent and other bills on time…and also, little things like changing the oil in my car on a regular basis so I don't have to keep buying new ones !
I don't give a Flying F…. about my HIV right now, I want to get it through my thick 55 year old adolescent head that when I depend on my car for my living, I need to change the frigging oil from time to time.!