Hi i am new to this, my name is Becki and i guess im on here because i have been relentlessly searching through support groups to find some whol i can relate with and im finding it very difficult, there is so much i want to say and so many questions i would like help in answering.

Firstly i havnt been diagnosed, i am 21 and i supose the older i am getting the more unberable these feelings are getting especially in the last 5 years. Here is a bit of my story (sorry its quite a lot), I suffer the need to check everything multiple times, order things and touch things untill it feels right, i am ruled by the number 12! And everyday tasks such as going into the fridge, going to the toilet..etc arecausing so many problems and this can takeanything fromhalf an hour, things need to be straight, tidy, and symetrical. I have gotten worse in other ways as in i feel the need to tap things 12 times and if it doesnt feel right, i have to repeat the action untill it does, i read and re-read sentences untill i can do so, un-interupted, i have to write and re-write notes etc untill it is perfect, i Worry constantly about irrational things. Everything i am doing or thinking has to be written down, i supose that is one way i kind of cope with not having an overwhelming feeling of anxiety.Another thing i do iswhen walking pastpeoples front doors if they have a door mat outside i have to push and touch it 12 times with each hand and the same with each foot, how would you even begin to explain this to someone if they opened the door onyou but i HAVE to do it, There could be an emergency and i cannot run out of a room without doing these "rituals" and i worry this can end up with someone being hurt just because i cannot get to them quick enough. Often i end up in tears out of frustration with myself as i know i wont feel right untill i do these things no matter how long they take! Family and friends know this is part of me but i fear they do not realise the extent of what i am going through and i am tired and fed up! I read people who have been suffering for 20 30 sometimes 40 years, i am only young and i do not feel i could cope with this forever. I would like to see a doctor and be diagnosed but i worry that my symptoms are not severe enough as i know there are people who suffer a lot worse than i do. I supose im on here for someone to tell me they are having the same feelings and thoughts as i am, ive never met or spoken to anyone suffering with ocd before. So if anyone can help or relate to anything i have said, it would be so much appriciated.

Becki xxxx

  1. sdluna 11 years ago

    Becki, first let me say welcome to the tribe and you are not alone.  We all suffer from OCD here and understand what you’re going through.  It sounds to me like your OCD is moderate to severe, but I’m no expert.  You should definitely seek help.  It usually gets worse over time if you don’t learn to manage it and you are still so young.


    Medication can help a ton.  Also, cognitive behavioral therapy helps.  People seek out help in different ways, but I have my regular family physician that I see for medication and I have a therapist (LCSW) to learn the CBT techniques to manage the OCD and stress.  I didn’t want to see a psychiatrist or psychologist, but that was my preference. 


    Coming here and reaching out is the first step.  Think about what you want to accomplish and how you want to approach getting help.  If there’s someone you trust the most, you can confide how bad things have gotten and bounce ideas off of them on how you want to approach this.  Keep blogging here, you’ll find a lot of good people really relate and have good ideas.  Good luck and keep in touch!

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  2. Becki 11 years ago

    Thank you sdluna – I feel its a release already being on here and having people to talk to and i do really feel positive in now i know there are actually ways that can help, im deffinatly building up my confidence to go and see my doctor to see what help he can offer.

    Just reading everyone elses stories is so amazing as i know now ocd can come in all sorts or shapes and sizes, this provides me with real comfort! Thank you and i will most deffinatly keep blogging and keep you posted!! 🙂

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  3. nikkars 11 years ago

     I relate very much to you. I'm also 21 and I haven't been diagnosed. The numer 8 is very important to me. Also 4 and 16 because they are half and double of 8. I have to touch my refrigerator door 16 times, counting to 4 4 times before I can walk away. I do things until they feel right. I flip my light switch off a certain way. I touch doorknobs a certain way. My senior year of high school was the worst for me as far as the compulsions go. I think thats when I saw the severity of what I'd been dealing with for years, but not really struggling with until that year. I'm still struggling today, and am debating seeing a doctor as well. I hope you get through and keep us posted. I'm new here as well, joined just this week. Good luck!


    -nikki .xx

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  4. chez 11 years ago

    Hi Becki welcome to the tribe.


    I think you should definatly get some help it doesn't matter how severe the symptoms are it is affecting you'r life on a daily basis and not getting help will only make things worse. I hope you find coming here will help aswell. Good luck

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  5. pjsunnyface 11 years ago

    Repetitions are prevalent and indicative of Ocd. t  I dunno, my gp suggested i was O aged 12/3 – definte ritual hand washing and overt prayers and it may feel like groundhog day.  Even thinking iam hosile to people or saying profane words to them in my head is a problem, especially when you see other O-people and thei stories – i can be big headed, selfish or apathetic to their problems, when they have similar psycho/neurological problems and need and relish love and affection just like me. 

    Challenge is to true to find something that will allow your mind to divert attention

    Prayer, meditattion and speaking to a doctor can help you to some degree; its not easy but you can get through it….


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  6. kawilli96 11 years ago

    I think you should get help. Even if you think your symptoms aren't severe enough, you will be in my position in the years to come, wishing that you would have gotten help sooner. What happened in my case is that is has gotten progressively worse throughout the years and now it is unbearable. I guess it goes along with "feeding the monster". The more you give in, the worse it gets. Now, it may never get really bad with you, but my advice would be to get help now, as you do not want to risk it getting to the unbearable point. Ever. It is miserable. 🙁

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