Hi i am new to this, my name is Becki and i guess im on here because i have been relentlessly searching through support groups to find some whol i can relate with and im finding it very difficult, there is so much i want to say and so many questions i would like help in answering.
Firstly i havnt been diagnosed, i am 21 and i supose the older i am getting the more unberable these feelings are getting especially in the last 5 years. Here is a bit of my story (sorry its quite a lot), I suffer the need to check everything multiple times, order things and touch things untill it feels right, i am ruled by the number 12! And everyday tasks such as going into the fridge, going to the toilet..etc arecausing so many problems and this can takeanything fromhalf an hour, things need to be straight, tidy, and symetrical. I have gotten worse in other ways as in i feel the need to tap things 12 times and if it doesnt feel right, i have to repeat the action untill it does, i read and re-read sentences untill i can do so, un-interupted, i have to write and re-write notes etc untill it is perfect, i Worry constantly about irrational things. Everything i am doing or thinking has to be written down, i supose that is one way i kind of cope with not having an overwhelming feeling of anxiety.Another thing i do iswhen walking pastpeoples front doors if they have a door mat outside i have to push and touch it 12 times with each hand and the same with each foot, how would you even begin to explain this to someone if they opened the door onyou but i HAVE to do it, There could be an emergency and i cannot run out of a room without doing these "rituals" and i worry this can end up with someone being hurt just because i cannot get to them quick enough. Often i end up in tears out of frustration with myself as i know i wont feel right untill i do these things no matter how long they take! Family and friends know this is part of me but i fear they do not realise the extent of what i am going through and i am tired and fed up! I read people who have been suffering for 20 30 sometimes 40 years, i am only young and i do not feel i could cope with this forever. I would like to see a doctor and be diagnosed but i worry that my symptoms are not severe enough as i know there are people who suffer a lot worse than i do. I supose im on here for someone to tell me they are having the same feelings and thoughts as i am, ive never met or spoken to anyone suffering with ocd before. So if anyone can help or relate to anything i have said, it would be so much appriciated.