I'm sorry i haven't been posting. I've been so busy and when I'm not all I can do is lay in bed.
I've dropped out of high school and into a little thing that is all by yourself, online classes.
I got a job.
I work at a fast food place that serves all chicken and the most amazing sweet tea on this planet.
I've converted back to cutting when anything upsets me, and now, while halfway up my arm, I've realised something.
Is it possible that I could get fired for this?
I need money now, I need 9,000 dollars for the up coming furture. I'm so scared. I'm so worried. But I like how the cuts feel.
WHenever people ask me why people cut, I aways say "you're litertally bleeding the pain out." I like that. I should get that tattoooed over my scars. recently I've put the biggest scars on me. New, fresh memories.
I'm losing all the remaining 'friends' I had and counting. Although a few of my coworkers are amazing, I'm not their type. They're the type of people who you can only talk to about happy things, anything beyond that is to personal for them I guess.
I don't even want that. I just want someone that I can talk to. ACtually, I want someone who I can listen to. I'm so tired of hearing myself talk. My last remaining friend won't even talk to me. I barely know him. I met him online. He pretty much refuses to give me much detail about what goes on during his day. He says he needs to meet his 'friends'. I wish I knew their names. Before you go screaming "catfish" and "rape" it's not like that. I know his full name, and what he looks like. I just wish I knew more about him. He knows everything about me.
Wish this new part of my life opening, I must say goodbye to a dear love.
My dream was to in orchastras for BIG movies. THe music for movies…and now that door has shut. I can no longer focus on it, for I'm to busy with this new part.
I'm upset. I'm shocked, also. THis is reality. I can't go back to a save point. I can't reload. this isn't a game, that I'm so much more familiar to.
Like I've always said. We're all playing the game of life; and I'm losing.