I don’t even know where to begin this time. I don’t want to keep going. I keep on fucking saying that, but I’m still here. Why…. I am so messed up in the head and so damaged I should be put down…. No point in having dream and ambitions and if you are being tormented and doomed to forever be in pain…… I shouldn’t even be complaining though. People have it worst than me.. Little kids in third world countries always at war family dying in front of them. I wish I was in their spot so I could have a quick death. I want to hurt so many ppl and I just might… Because it’s either hurt others or myself and I wont stop this time… People always leave me and the one’s who stay have no choice or no where else to go. This world will be better when I leave and the longer I am here I just feel like it’s worst and I am idek the word, but I can’t do this anymore. I don’t wanna wait 5 years before I am finally possibly happy. This pain isn’t going anywhere. I want to bash my head in until it’s all over my walls. I want to burn myself alive and scream to the top of my lungs and I don’t care. Rather me than someone else…. No one needs me. The people who say they do say that b/c they haven’t met me. No matter what version of myself I am for them. They always leave me, take from me. While only pieces remain. I want (I’m sorry) I want ppl to suffer idc. Yelling cutting scratching whatever this is not helping me and my family doesn’t care so maybe my death will make them care.. My shitty father has lost is older son b/c he fucking left him. Now as his 2nd son I plan on killing myself and I want him to be there. I want them all to be there…. My death will not stop the earth if anything one less life will be better.. And it’s only mine. A corrupted soul that no one will miss. I’m gonna cry now

Jason

1 Comment
  1. cloudkid 2 years ago

    hey man, i know it’s hard. you might ignore this, but i’ll ask anyway- do you see any counsellors? i know they’re scary, but there are so many more alternatives to the basic “how does that make you feel” that they’re open to.

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