When it comes to kids, we all get excited.  From the moment we bring them home from the hospital we have such high hopes for them.  I know when my kids were born I thought I hope that they do more with their lives than I have.  Don't get me wrong I am thankful to be a wife and a mother of 4 beautiful children (2 of them twin boys step-sons) but I wonder sometimes, what would my life be like it I had my children at a later age.  I was pregnant at the age of 18 and a senior in high school when I got pregnant with my son.  I don't regret having him, but I do regret who I had him with.  I wished now I would have waited and had him at a later age and with someone else other than my ex-husband. I was thinking today and I realized that I just didn't become depressed overnight, it happened over a time period of 5 to 10 years.  It was a bad marriage and I don't blame anyone, but myself for putting up with mental abuse, physical abuse, and cheating.  Finally in 2002 he left me with 2 kids and now that I look back on it, it was the best thing that EVER happened to me.  I know that I didn't realize it at the time, but it's true.  Once the divorce was over and I had my kids, my husband that I am married to now came into my life.  It was rocky some the first 5 years, but it gets better day by day.  I just wish that my twins would start acting like they used to. Not sweet and innocent, but normal.  I do thank God everyday for giving me a wonderful husband, wonderful kids, understanding parents, wonderful 2 brothers and wonderful friends like ya'll.  It helps so much to have this web site. I didn't know it existed until I came across another web site. Thanks for the online journal. It helps me alot.  Also, I send hugs to all my new found friends.  I appreciate all the advice and suggestions that yall have given all of it has helped me ALOT!!!! Love to all of yall!!!!!!!!!!!Crysdawn25