Imagine. There’s a word in hate to hear. I don’t do imagination and prefer to deal with the here and now and what is actually going on in my life. I believe the phrase imagine leads to regret and I’m at that point in life where regret leads to nothing good.

i remember sitting in my bedroom at 14 years old and planning my suicide. I remember thinking about every detail including who would find my body. I remember wanting to be free, ideally happy, but at least free. I remember waking up and hearing my mother say ‘why is he doing this to us.’ A phrase that has defined my relationship with her. We’re not close, we never will be. The fact that she thought my misery was about her says it all. It was about me. I was miserable and you didn’t see it. My life’s all about me and that’s the way I choose to live it. I’ve come a long way since those lonely nights and I’ve done it on my own. I am proud of my accomplishments. I turned it around when the world had given up on me. Never underestimate the power you give someone by believing in them. I believe in me.

Then I get the news “I’m pregnant”

I’m terrified

 

1 Comment
  1. cameronpost87 12 months ago

    Ace, I feel for you. Talk with others. Share how you are feeling. You are not alone and your life has meaning and value. Life will get better. We go through seasons. If you will hold on, you will get through it. Try something. Try reading. Try drawing. Try acting. Maybe one of these things can serve as something to get your mind off of the tough stuff right now. No one has the right to minimize your pain. Good luck to you.

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