Feeling sad today. Part of it is I want to go back to work. Not my old job, but apply somewhere new and get back to life again. I was at a store today and tried on some cute business/work clothes for fun. I want to buy them, but I can't justify the expense right now. (All my old work clothes are gone. I just have casual stuff now.) And until I reclaim more storage space, I don't have room. I wish my ocd let me use my empty closet. Someday, just not yet… Been working my way through things that are higher priority. [br] [br]
I got am email from a recruiter about a job and if I knew anyone looking. It's a little above my skill level, but I could try and apply. They also have an opening for a job at my level. It's a close commute, a big company, etc etc. I soooo want to apply for these! But if I'm brutally honest with myself, I don't think I'm ready. I could probably do it as long as nothing "went wrong". But it would really limit how much ERP I could do at home, where I most need it. Not to mention I can't drag myself out of bed before 9am! (I mostly blame the Celexa for that.) [br] [br]
I have been very forunate to get some temporary disability pay, for which I'm extremely grateful. But some of that ends in a couple months. I'll be fine money wise for a while yet, but I don't want to use up all my savings. [br] [br]
Is it so wrong that part of me wants to go back to work just so I can buy some nice clothes? Seems shallow, but it's not that I want expensive designer stuff and tons of shoes and jewelry and whatever. It's not materialistic in that way. It's more a feeling of wanting enough financial security that I can buy a $20 cute top at the store without feeling guilty or it being a waste of money. [br] [br]
I think I'm getting impatient. I've come a long way! The goal is getting closer! But I have to be realistic and pace myself and know my limits too. (sigh) I want to apply for those jobs so I can buy that outfit so I can gain financial security so I can contribute again so I can feel normal again.