Feeling sad today. Part of it is I want to go back to work. Not my old job, but apply somewhere new and get back to life again. I was at a store today and tried on some cute business/work clothes for fun. I want to buy them, but I can't justify the expense right now. (All my old work clothes are gone. I just have casual stuff now.) And until I reclaim more storage space, I don't have room. I wish my ocd let me use my empty closet. Someday, just not yet… Been working my way through things that are higher priority. [br] [br]

I got am email from a recruiter about a job and if I knew anyone looking. It's a little above my skill level, but I could try and apply. They also have an opening for a job at my level. It's a close commute, a big company, etc etc. I soooo want to  apply for these! But if I'm brutally honest with myself, I don't think I'm ready. I could probably do it as long as nothing "went wrong". But it would really limit how much ERP I could do at home, where I most need it. Not to mention I can't drag myself out of bed before 9am! (I mostly blame the Celexa for that.) [br] [br]

I have been very forunate to get some temporary disability pay, for which I'm extremely grateful. But some of that ends in a couple months. I'll be fine money wise for a while yet, but I don't want to use up all my savings. [br] [br]

Is it so wrong that part of me wants to go back to work just so I can buy some nice clothes? Seems shallow, but it's not that I want expensive designer stuff and tons of shoes and jewelry and whatever. It's not materialistic in that way. It's more a feeling of wanting enough financial security that I can buy a $20 cute top at the store without feeling guilty or it being a waste of money. [br] [br]

I think I'm getting impatient. I've come a long way! The goal is getting closer! But I have to be realistic and pace myself and know my limits too. (sigh) I want to apply for those jobs so I can buy that outfit so I can gain financial security so I can contribute again so I can feel normal again.


  1. Epix 9 years ago

     Can I ask why you don't use your closet?

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  2. maryanne 9 years ago

    Hi, I feel sad that I am not working any more, either.  I haven't for quite some time.  It makes me feel better that I am taking on-line courses in my field so that I can keep up-to-date.

    You aren't being shallow for wanting new work clothes!  You are just wishing you had your "normal" life back.  Maybe someday soon…..Maryanne


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  3. telknit23 9 years ago

    I've been going through the same thing lately.  From wanting the clothes (funny, when I was working I hated shopping for work clothes) to wanting to contribute to the family economy.  I got laid off before the OCD got this bad, and always thought I'd eventually get back to work. Now that seems somehwere between unlikely and impossible, at least for the time being.  

     I recently checked the social security disability  web site but find the whole process more than a little intimidating.  And demeaning.  I'm sure it's hard enough if you have an obvious physical disability, but trying to convince someone you're too nuts to go to work…..(oh boy is that a straight line waiting for a joke)

    I'm thinking of following Maryanne's example and brushing up my skills just for sake of keeping mentally fit..

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