Just a quick update.
I'm still here, still struggling on. I still haven't come to terms with recent events. Everything I planned out has fallen flat on its face, I have relapsed in every sense of the word. Life seems to have lost its spark or point.
It's my girlfriends birthday tomorrow, we had a good night tonight and I hope the gifts I bought her are good enough. I have to do something right soon surely, just by law of averages? I'm on borrowed time with her, she isn't going to want to put up with me being this way much longer, and despite how much I love her and would do anything for her…I really seem to have no control over how I am and what I feel.
I sense that there is alot of people both online and in my everyday life who don't believe in what I say or how I am telling that I feel. Just another young "fake" depressive. I get this feeling from the majority, while I feel no need to prove it to anyone, I just want everyone to know that its a struggle for me to write these blogs, but I just have to get this out there, it is how I truly feel and it is honestly the only place I truly get all of this out of my system.
Believe what you want…but I don't know if I can beat this nor do I know if I can beat the monotony of my life. I feel a world of guilt that I still feel this despite having a beautiful and amazing girlfriend but sadly I am so far gone, my misery outweighs that blessing.
Some will call me lucky for having that much at least, but I can only tell you how I feel and I can only be honest, we all have our own problems and everyones issues are there own and they are different. No one is the same, no one is me…luckily for them.
Peace, love and happiness to you all.