This is a bit more into my personal life than I usually go, but I have been having this problem with a guy I have been friends with for a while.

Long story short (but not so short), I liked this guy when I met him and he’s been a pretty good friend to me. – he’s one of the few people I feel I can really trust. I began to surpress my feelings for him early on when he would talk about other girls in front of me. It made me feel insecure of the way I looked since I never looked like any of the girls he’d say he found attractive, but I never said anything about it because it was too early for me to confess (in my opinion.) I was able to move past my feelings and keep the friendship we had. Since I stopped thinking of him romantically, I persued other people and ended up having a very short relationship as a result. I felt like I could confide in him about those things since I knew he didn’t feel that way about me. He was always very respectful about my relationships and would be an open ear if I had any issues. We, over time, grew very close.

A couple of months after I “got over him,” he started dropping hints, like constantly talking about how he would want a girl who *insert characteristic that I have.* Even when I would talk to his friend (not romantically), he would say he was jealous of how much attention I was giving to them (but he’d always say it was a joke). We talk on the phone EXTREMELY often, so I was more confused at this than anything. Then he’d talk about how I was the only person he really liked to talk to because it was always the funniest with me. When he would drop these hints, I would ask him if he had something to say or feelings he felt, and would adamantly deny he had anything. I tried to be as transparent as possible, but it seemed like he was hiding something from me. I grew tired and ended up believing what he said and continued to pursue other people.

Then came in a different guy who made me question my gauge on feelings completely. I fell a bit too quickly for him, and his feelings developed just as fast as mine. We have been talking for a little over a month and he seems perfect. We fall asleep on the phone and he was clear on his feelings from the beginning. He is my biggest hype man (constantly reminding me that I’m beautiful and I matter) and is super supportive of my goals in life. It got to the point where I would go into withdraw and get super sad when we didn’t talk. The first guy even knows about him and would seem to get defensive whenever I talked about him.

Two or 3 weeks ago, I had had enough of the first guys games. I just straight up said: “Do you like me?” I thought he would dodge the question like he always did, but I was SORELY mistaken. He called me and said he did ever since we met (which was the same time I did). I was SHOCKED. I asked him about the reason he would talk to other people (the reason I fell out of it with him) and he said that he knew it was too early to say anything, and then continued that the girls he did contact “didn’t respond” so he knew that they weren’t worth it. That didn’t make me feel good to be honest, so I inquired what would have happened if they did respond, and he gave no clear answer, saying “but they didn’t.” He later explained (in that same conversation) that after a month or two, his feelings began to get so strong to the point where he hadn’t talked to anyone romantically after that point. I had no words. Over the next couple of days, my surpressed feelings came back, but they were stronger than before. I had never stopped liking him (to my dismay) I just pretended like my feelings didn’t exist.

After I relayed to the first guy how my feelings had recovered, he suddenly became 43289048329083290% more transparent with me about how he felt. He would answer me in a straightforward way and told me more often how he felt about me. He even said that he feels God is signaling him that I am the love of his life since he’s never felt about anyone how he’s felt about me, and how he’s thought about us being together for a while, but was too scared to be open with me about it because of the possibilty of rejection. Sometimes, he casually talks about marriage and who he wants to marry (by stating my height, personality traits, and interests), and that really solidified for me how serious he is about this.

This situation is difficult because I now have feelings for 2 people who return my feelings in equal if not greater proportions. I like different things about each of them, and can’t make a decision for the life of me. Does any of this sound weird? Help 🥺