I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me and there is nothing I can do to make it any better.
All my mom will talk to me about is getting a job and I am genuinely trying but I haven’t been accepted for one yet. I feel like she sees me as just as much of a disappointment as I see me.
I have relapsed in my eating disorder and when I try to talk to people they dismiss my struggle because “I’m not skinny enough to know how it feels.” I just got back from a week-long camping trip and the first thing I was told is about how much weight I had lost but in a positive way. I want to recover and I am trying but every time someone makes a comment like that it just fuels my eating disorder and makes it harder for me to try and recover.
While I was camping I figured out that my dad, my aunt, and my cousin (who is my biggest role model) don’t support genderfluid people so now I feel like I will be stuck staying in the closet forever.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life because I want to write and act but I also want to be a paramedic and save lives but I don’t see how I could follow both career paths. When I told my dad that I wanted to be a paramedic he laughed and said that I’m not going to do that and every time I tell someone I want to be a paramedic my dad tells them that it’s just a phase and I have no idea what I’m doing and that I’m going to go to the college he went to (that I would have to get higher than a 4.0 GPA for the rest of high school to get into).
I got a 3 on my ap English test and my friends tell me that’s great but I still feel awful about myself and like I have failed.
My anxiety has been really bad with all of this as well. My nervous habits have gotten really bad. I have a lot of destructive nervous habits like biting my tongue and lips, chewing my nails, scratching my face, etc. and my face now looks like I fell off my bike or something. I got a couple of stress-induced medical conditions (nothing seriously bad or anything but still.)
I feel like my mental health is killing me from the inside and there is nothing I can do. Help.