My life seems to be picking up a bit in some areas and staying the same. I've kind of just focused on one field of it right now, which is advancing my career. I mean, I'm still going to therapy, I'm still trying to battle my emotions but I've kind of accepted that I'm going to be upset a while, I went through a hard breakup and seperation from my ex and I don't really have a social support in place other than a couple internet sites.

It'd be nice to meet a pretty girl who wants to spend time with me, but I know I'm not ready. My confidence isn't where it should be and in many ways I kind of would just ask her to take care of me, which is neither healthy nor something a woman wants to deal with in dating a 23 year old guy. Not to mention I haven't hit the gym much as of late between being sick and grinding so hard on programming projects. Not that I need it, when I'm 130 pounds, but a bit of muscle might help. I just don't feel like I'm "there" in general with where I could meet someone up to my standards.

I feel like I don't have as much fun as I should anymore. But I played games with my bro a couple hours the other night, a week ago I went to a show in Portland, i've been in my studio playing piano. I don't know what this feeling is, but it's like I just can't get away from disapointing myself no matter how hard I try.

Someone wanna help me out here? Throw me some suggestions on what to do in the way of socializing or relaxing or just anything. I try and try but I know my mindset is massively warped.