Last night i found out i could play him like a fiddle.

I felt empowered. i felt i could control him.

Flash a couple smiles. bite my bottom lip. look at him with the big blue eyes. he was like puddy in my hand, follwedme around like a little puppy.earlier that day he wanted nothing to do with me. until i stared giving him attention thats when he was hugging me and trying to bite onmy neck.

I want to hurt him. i want him to feel what im feeling. I want to fuck with his head. i want him to hurt. i now see that its just one big game, and i can play fucking games…

My anxiety has increased by 90% though 🙁 everytime i think about everything in my life i get sick. it happens at work and i can barely function let along breathe…. its mainly him.. i hate him. i want nothing to do with him yet i still think about him. everytime i think about him i want to vomit. i dont want anything to do with him 🙁 i want to stop thinking about him.

i dont understand why im like this, i feel pathetic. pathetic that im all hung up on him. im trying to get over him…i truly am. but its like everytime i say im going to get over him. he trys to pull the how i want you shit. just one big rollercoaster and i want to hurt him so bad 🙁

i want to use him. like i said, i want to play him like a fiddle. he is predictable now to me and i know i can get what i want out of him…. im angry. im hurt. but then i dont…

im a sick twisted way. i still want him 🙁 im so fucking pathetic 🙁

i think im so upset is because im sick of being alone. im sick of being treated like this. im sick of the situations i get into. and i want someone.

i need to get over myself….

2 Comments
  1. edward1979 10 years ago

    Ditch him , And find someone who want you for being you.

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  2. flowermantis 10 years ago

    Hi Jordan.From one woman to another,I say this.RUN! I know how hard it is fto forget about someone you really liked (loved even) ,but truly,it can only lead to tears in the end if you dont make the break.Ultimately its up to you,but as a 46 year old woman,I can say from experience,you gotta just move on from those types of relationships and just think " oh well,it was fun at times with him sure,but hes toxic for me now,Im outta here ".Yes,there will be pain and it wont be eay for a while ,but truly,after a while eventually the obsessive thoughts go and you can handle the whole memory a lot better.And then your so happy you did it.Anyway,just my 5 cents worth ,take it easy and all the best.

    Flowermantis

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