Last night i found out i could play him like a fiddle.
I felt empowered. i felt i could control him.
Flash a couple smiles. bite my bottom lip. look at him with the big blue eyes. he was like puddy in my hand, follwedme around like a little puppy.earlier that day he wanted nothing to do with me. until i stared giving him attention thats when he was hugging me and trying to bite onmy neck.
I want to hurt him. i want him to feel what im feeling. I want to fuck with his head. i want him to hurt. i now see that its just one big game, and i can play fucking games…
My anxiety has increased by 90% though 🙁 everytime i think about everything in my life i get sick. it happens at work and i can barely function let along breathe…. its mainly him.. i hate him. i want nothing to do with him yet i still think about him. everytime i think about him i want to vomit. i dont want anything to do with him 🙁 i want to stop thinking about him.
i dont understand why im like this, i feel pathetic. pathetic that im all hung up on him. im trying to get over him…i truly am. but its like everytime i say im going to get over him. he trys to pull the how i want you shit. just one big rollercoaster and i want to hurt him so bad 🙁
i want to use him. like i said, i want to play him like a fiddle. he is predictable now to me and i know i can get what i want out of him…. im angry. im hurt. but then i dont…
im a sick twisted way. i still want him 🙁 im so fucking pathetic 🙁
i think im so upset is because im sick of being alone. im sick of being treated like this. im sick of the situations i get into. and i want someone.
i need to get over myself….