I feel like i’m loosing my mind.

My sences have all become a blur, and meshed in together, like i can smell the blueberries coming of this colour blue. I see things. Today I seen a dog running along by the car when i was in the passenger seat. I just watched it. It grew as i watched it, then became a wolf, and looked at me. Then run off. I wasn’t scared. I just watched it. It was magnificent. It had fur the perfect grey, with white markings on its back, that looked almost like a eagle or bird.  I was looking at a picture of a rhino that is on a stone egg that i brought once, and it started running on the spot. Beautiful creature it is.

Can you loose something that was already lost? i’m not sure.

I’m loosing the days, I can’t remember if today is Saturday, Sunday, monday or friday. My head is just not working correctly. I think there is a wire missing, or a switch has been wired wrong.

I’m loosing my memory. I found myself looking at my meds and not remembering if i had taken them today or not. I don’t think I did, so I took them now anyway. Better to be safe than sorry right?

I don’t know how long this feeling will be with me, will it ever go? Is it something that passes with time or is it something that goes away with a pill? Is it something that you earn to go away? or maybe an action has to be done to make it dissapear?  Are there rules, if you break it you have to keep it?

I went to the cinema today, with my little sister and her friend to see Twilight. I laughed at the appropriate moments. It didn’t really make me laugh. I had tears in my eyes at other moments, THAT I felt. To have love like that is amazing. I also went and brought Eclipse, the 3rd book in the twilight series. I started reading, but found myself unable to concerntrate. My mind just wonders off into nothingness.

Thoughts of blood running through my viens. Thoughts of a poison seeping through my skin. My thoughts are so random and confusing, but they make sence. A perfect contradiction. They come so easy, yet are difficult to go. 

This beast, this wolf that haunts me, I wonder where he wants me to go? I wonder if he has a purpose? Does he want me to follow him into the dark forrest, lead me into the darkness where his pack awaits to pounce? He wants me to do something, but i’m unsure of what. He whispers to me. But his words are so confused. His words become my thoughts, then my thoughts become my words. I know that he is not here to protect me, i can see it in his eyes. The evil is there. His pupils are the blackest of black, with a red iris.. His eyes are mesmorising, yet vicious at the same time. I still dont fear him.

~can you loose something that was already lost~

 

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