im so tired of life. im sick of being depressed all the time im tired of crying . im tired of being sad and feeling hurt. if its not one thing its another. everything is always my fault. I can never do shit right, ill never amount to shit. imoved to iowa to live my aunt to get far away from my problems and its like no matter where i go it follows me. my parents will never aceept me. or ever be proud of me . im no longer bestfriends with this guy named luis he was like a brother, he was my god brother, i made him my chambelan which is a big deal when you turn 15 and then he was my prom date in may 2012 . but its been acouple months now since we stoped being friends. hes tryna be this up coming rapper, and ever since that idea came up his ego has increased well actually its always been that way but now its just too much and weve been friends since 3rd grade. and im 19 now. and at first when he told his idea i was so happy he found something that made him happy, but then suddenly he began to have all these new bestfriends. he made me feel invisible. like i didnt matter. went from talkn everyday and seeing each other everyday to not speaking or seeing eachother in months. he was always alot more popular then me but its wasnt to the extreme until now. before i was lina his bestfriend and then i became hey can you do me a favor person. i guess im a way we grew apart but it still didnt give him a reason to treat me like i was a piece of shit. i cared so much about him and when i told him how i couldnt be friends all he said was , ” um okay” thats it just two words. after being friends for 11years all i get is two words. it hurt me to read those words. it showed me that i never meant shit. that we were never really friends that i was just a joke. that those 11 years meant nothng. and yet it doesnt phase him that im nit in his life anymore. he even said on a tweet : “dont wanna be my friend cool idgaf,” it was so easy to forget me so easy not gaf about, but for me its so hard to forget him to not care about him, to move on, to accept that he never gaf. and im still dieing inside from it. im only 19 years old and i feel like ime 30 years old with 5 kids and two jobs. im always stressed out. i constantly feel depressed and feel like killing myself. i just know how much more i can handle.