I am doing well mentally… I wasn’t wrong about that. But life isn’t perfect. I’m not complaining, just updating real quick.

 

I havn’t really been able to sleep late at night. It’s been like that since I moved. I talked to the doctor about it and was prescribed a medicine that took forever to work and then when it did I woke up earlier in the morning with a headache that lasted all day. And I was like a zombie and kinda dizzy. It reminded me of when I used to take prozac. I’ve decided not to take that any more. Instead I embrace my weird sleeping schedule. I’m staying up late and doing hw at home because I don’t have gas money to go to Borders any more. Than when I’m tired (like right about now) I go to bed and get up in about 9 hours. It’s an odd schedule but it’s better than when I tried to sleep at midnight and laid there for 4 hours.

The other thing in my life right now is my lack of money. I’m actively looking for a job. More than that actually. A popular game developer in my area is hiring so I am ‘training’ to get good at the game they make. There is a certain requirement at how good I have to be at this type of game before they will interview me. I have to respond back to an e-mail from there hiring manager and tell him if I am good enough by tomorrow night. I have been practicie soooooo much but despite my hardwork it might not be possible with such little time. I will try again tomorrow. I’ve finished most of my hw tonight so I should have tons of time tomorrow to practice (depending on when I can get up).

Other news… It’s sunny all the time. I love it! I love life! Today in the shower (cause that’s where I’m happiest and I get my inspiration), my new career path hit me. I committed to the idea that I will pursue Quality Assurance after getting my game programming degree. It’s what I am best at and I really could keep learning easily after I graduate this year. Then I can aim for a QA manager down the road which pays great. It’s something I thought of before but now I am sure of it and it seems so easy to grasp. Life makes more since when depression isn’t clouding your mind.

Sorry to ramble but yea, I’m doing well. It’s been more than the 48 days that the counselors at St. Francis said it would take for the affirmations to physically change the neurons in my brain. They said I wouldn’t believe them that it was possible until it happens but I made it. I had some rough spots where I truly doubted everything but now I am so sure. Life will continue to be hard and stressful but I am a new person. I can handle what it throws at me. I can be happy! I can be the true me!. I am happy! I am the true me!

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