Hi. My name is Wendy.  I am 24 years old. and i live in North Carolina.  I moved here in April.  I miss home.  Home is a small town in Pennsylvania.  it is where i was born and raised.  its one of those towns in the mountains where everyone knows you and youre related to half of them. lol…ohh how i miss it.

Moving to NC has been a huge struggle for me.  i recently developed racing thoughts again so this entry will be scattered and may not make a whole lot of sense.  but i'm trying.   

i have suffered from depression for exactly half of my life..sometimes i don't think it will ever get better…its been better and its been worse…i went through 3 years of not being very depressed at all didn't even need meds and then i moved to NC and it all went downhill from there.  i hope to feel better about being here someday. i have been working very hard to feel better.  somedays are better than others.  but it is soo hard being away from all i've ever known.

 I also suffer from Bi-Polar, borderline personality disorder, and severe anxiety.

my biggest struggle aside from crying all the time is anxiety.  i have a real hard time leaving my house.  a lot of my anxiety is due to my weight issues.  i hate being seen with myself in public. and obviously its impossible to be seen without myself. lol.  little bit of humor i guess.  

i have yet to find myself. my purpose in life. but i hope to soon.  i recently started going to church in hopes that connecting with God and figuring out who i am and what i have been brought to this world for.

i am hoping to connect wiht some people with similar issues and maybe find someone who lives in my area to become friends with.  i only know a few people here in NC. one is my neighbor the rest are pretty much my fiance's family.  and a woman who is my case worker.  she's totally awesome. she takes me out places so i can learn the area, develop some interests and work on my anxiety.  she's a god send and she's been so great to me. she's been more of a friend to me than my worker and i love it.

 I also have a fiance which i've mentioned a few times.  his name is rick and he's the greatest.  i couldn't ask for a better love.  he loves me unconditionally and tries so hard to understand and help with my mental illnesses. he really is great.

i also have a cat. her name is sadie and she's a bit over 2 years old. she's been a wonderful addition to our little family. she's a crazy kitty and she definately keeps me going. sometimes she can be a handful but when i really need it she's the sweetest little munchkin ever.  

someday i hope to have children, but worry about passing on my mental illnesses.  hopefully that won't happen.

well i think this entry is long enough and says something about me.

later