I have not written alot in here as you can tell.
Things really do come to light and things begin to change for the good, if you pray , give it up to god, and work the steps and do what is suggested to you. I did not do any steps for the first 15 months or so of being clean and sober. Then one day I finally had that awakening, they say you will get. I finally stopped sitting in meeting , not paying attention, I listened, took a little of each ones story with me, began to feel spiritual again. I had lost faith long ago. But I also blamed everone else for my problems and would not take help that was offered.
Each time I go into the rooms of AA, I feel more spiritual and if having a bad day, usually I hear what I need and then I pray for god to take it away.
I have been parying alot lately, for guidance, have gave it to god. I prayed that someday, when time was right, I would hear from my youngest daughter , as I had already wrItten to her several times , so she knew I was ready, but question was she. But yesterday, I get phonecall from her stepmom, she was for the first time in years , so nice to me, and wanted to know if I wanted Karas cell number! Omg, I know now that there is something greater then me, and god is working for me, to stay on right path, and stay clean and sober, If I do the footwork that is.
So I got the number, and after I hung up, all kinds of emotions went through me. I was scared, nervous, happy, excited all at once. I walked around with phone in one hand , number in other. Would begin to dial and chicken out. What if she really does not want to talk to me. I have not seen her since she was almost 7, and she just turned 19 , on december 14th. I finally called, and left voice message. After couple hours of wondering if she even call back, she did! OMG, my heart raced, was very happy!
We talked for bit, I did not bring up past stuff between her dad and I, only talked of today!
I never thought I would get this chance again. Never thought she would forgive me. She even wants to come here to Washington sometime. She has lots family here and I was so happy when she said that.
I was on biggest pity pot for may years, walked around with a void in me, that my ex made bigger , by putting a wedge between her and I . But then I did have part in that too and am realizing that now,
But I now know that being spiritual and praying, each day and each nightis so important to my recovery.
Never thought I would be at this point, I struggled with GOD concept for long long time.
But since I been praying I am seeing little things happen in my life, every day. With prayer and AA and working the steps
THING WILL GET BETTER, ONE DAY AT TIME.
FORGIVE ANY TYPOS LOL