Since the beginning of December I felt this depressed mood crip up on me.My mood gotten worse; also some have some medical  problems with blood pressure & RA.The RA just didn't  let up on the pain. Everything that I try too accomplish doors are slaming in my face.Then Sunday hearing the pastor speak/spoke how some children may stray but they would be back. Dont seem as if they dont care or paying attention to God.. Too make matters worse have four grown sons who are no support in anyway;the youngest hate me.Inspite all effort made with no success.I open up my home to help my son's girlfriend whose  mother put her & her children out back in Aug,2012. A few weeks later my nephew needed a place.Her mom eventually took the children back.My nephew came & began using her for bus fare & any other needs he had concerning cocaine.All my talking & explaining how my twin brother/sister & myself once had drug addiction.Both my twin bro/sis has passed away;one in 88' & other in 2002. Eventually, he said nothing & picked his clothes up to wash & never came back.Leaving his clothes.The son girlfriend left before Christmas;desiring to partying.So I made her take all her belongings with her.Inspite all this all door of opportunity is just slaming close in my face.Now consider this:I'm a christian & believe in prayer. Right about now No- I'm not praying cause God isn't on my side & noone else.So I told the Lord last night He could just let me die in my sleep.No not even that..tormenting dreams;causing me to shut in my sleep & crying. So this is what my life is about & just imagine my own birth children are selfish, hateful,mean & a dont give a d…n attitude. So that's my story.