For this being my first blog entry on this website, I'll start off by introducing myself. My name is Danielle, I am 19 years old. I felt a need to change social networking websites because recently I have been undergoing alot of stress and seeing others who seem to have great lives, both personal and everyday, really doesn't seem to help my situation.

Since I was 13 I have been sent to multiple hospitals for attempted suicide, self mutilation, depression, panic attacks, and hearing voices. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Clinical Depression, and severe psychosis. I don't disagree with them, I definitely have PTSD and Clinical Depression. The psychosis has gotten better, though. It doesn't happen as often as it used to.

I have overdosed on multiple occasion, on Prozac, painkillers and anti anxiety medication. I was sent away once for doing so for about a week. I ended up almost having to get my stomach pumped because I had a reaction while at school, so I was sent to the emergency room. I think I did it that time because I wanted to feel something different besides sadness.

I believe the cause of most of my depression and anger started when I was very young. I remember it all crashing around me the day my father beat the shit out of my mother in front of me, I was about 7. He was a gun enthusiast, so we basically had an arsenal in our house. He was drunk at the time and I didn't know what he was going to do in his blind, drunken rage. So I remember running next door stunned, in tears, and unable to form words all I did was screamed out that "Daddy is going to kill mommy! Daddy is going to kill mommy!" to my neighbors. They took me in and called the cops. My father was arrested that day.

After all that happened I was sent away to live with my aunt in Vermont, a good 5 hours away from my mother. I was there for a year or so.

After all that was over, my mom was separated from my father. He lived somewhere else with a different woman. I visited them occasionally but the visits stopped when I realized he moved to Vermont to live with some coked-up skank who controlled him.

So after I got back from Vermont I lived with my mom at my gramma and grampas house until my gramma passed away from cancer in '06.
 

5 Comments
  1. missmimi79 8 years ago

    I can completely relate about other social networks. I never even post anything because I feel so worthless all the time.

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  2. Suspiria 8 years ago

    I was very much into Facebook for years, but it all adds up after so long. I'll most likely go back on in the future.

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  3. ancientgeekcrone 8 years ago

    Gee, that's quite a list. I hope we can be of some support.

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  4. Suspiria 8 years ago

    Therapy doesn't help much, so I quit that a while ago. I just recently got on Celexa but haven't taken any yet.

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  5. pinktress 8 years ago

    This is heart wrenching. I too have suffer clinical depression, MDD, and PTSD. I just recently attempted suicide a month ago. I was put on prozac and it had really helped me. If you ever want to talk drop me a message.I dont mind. 🙂

     

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