Well, the good news is you are never alone.  Even in this situation.  I remember feeling almost exactly the same about my father about 5 months ago.  Eventually my anger and frustration turned into dettachment, and not the good kind.  I felt like the only time I wanted to be around my father was to check to see if he was still breathing after he passed out.  If I was around him any other time, my disgust turned inward and I thought there was no way I could be happy around him, even when I "tried". 

One thing that had been instilled in me was my powerless to change others.  I knew leaving literature, or insisting he go to meetings was not going to work.  I don’t think I ever really tried it.  I think that helped tremendously.  But as you know, before things ever began getting better, they got much worse.   When I began feeling enough pain, and I didn’t know what to do, someone suggested I try to go to an Al-Anon meeting or two(we don’t have Nar-Anon around my area).  Initially, I thought, even though I knew the twelve steps, that Al-Anon was going to help me get my dad clean.  Just like I thought NA was going to help me use drugs better.

Al-Anon became a place where I could learn to apply my recovery to the people in my life suffering from the same disease.  In doing so, I began to feel more human around my father, not the scared little boy that I often did (so powerless).  And while things didn’t really begin changing, I noticed my serenity became a bit more resilient to the things that were going on in my father’s life.  I’m not saying I was great around him, but I had hope for myself that regardless of how things were going to work out, I could be ok.  The same thing that has happened for me in my recovery.

I wish I could say I know that by going to Al-Anon, one’s family members will get clean and live happily ever after, but that wasn’t the case.  It took time, but as I learned to apply the steps more thoroughly in my life, I began to dettach with love.  Allowing things to happen for my father/family.  Eventually, things got bad enough for him, my mother gave him an ultimatum, and he finally decided/agreed to go to a detox center.  By the grace of something much greater that me, he has close to 50 days clean and has embraced going to meetings and meeting people in recovery.  I really can’t describe the change that has taken place in his life.  I know that I don’t check his breathing anymore.  

I really didn’t mean to create a commercial for Al-Anon, but they were supportive when I was in pain.  And they didn’t mind having a recovering addict there.  I’m extremely grateful for my Al-Anon Family Group and how they have helped me help myself even more.