I don't like to leave questions open when I make them. I'm not going to sit here and say my life sucks. Everything *fucking* sucks! I feel better now. Well not really….

School in the morrow, horseback riding lessons, I bought my boots and helmet today which costs me a couple hundred dollars. One thing I'm really happy about. Everything else not so much.

One weekend I'm so desperate for companionship I'm willing to do the casual hookup thing. Next day I came to my senses. I'm still alone. I like being in control. My therapist said I'm seeking out people who are unique in the sense of being outsiders among conformists. Whatever that means. I'm not the normal type of dating person.

I'm sure I know what I'm looking for, but don't know where to look. I can look everywhere I want, but I'm still not happy with myself. I was for awhile, but that ship sunk itself.

I could bite my lip so hard right now, my teeth would cut right through. God..stop it! I don't know what I'm saying or what I should be doing. I'm sinking in this much that you could call my life. I keep screaming for someone to let me out! Nobody's there though. I feel myself out.

Is there a point to anything when living the mundane life? Barely being able to keep my head above water with finances and social pressures, as well as my own depression.

Don't feel better. Don't really care what people think. Still going to seek new people out. I haven't given up on myself or humanity, though that small hope of ray tends to diminish with time.

I never come here anymore. People don't talk enough for me. It's like pulling teeth. I'd love for someone to respond or add me as a friend. All I do is seek. One can't go through life like that.


1 Comment
  1. llywater443 12 years ago

    I would love to chat with you sometime! You sound like a great person! Just keep your chin up and you will make it through anything. I am here if you need me.

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