For those who don't know, I survived domestic abuse years ago. My ex partner was too good to be true…he was handsome, educated,overly attentive, and affectionate. Flowers and love notes were showered upon me, and I became the center of his universe. Everything was going well until I realized how controlling and possessive he was towards me. He was also arrogant and belittled me…making me feel that he was superior, and much smarter. After hurting my feelings, he appologized and everything returned to normal.
The last day we spent together was the day I nearly died. He was jealous and demanding…so I ended our relationship. As I walked away from him, he attacked me by slapping, punching, kicking, and throwing me down a flight of stairs. I nearly broke my neck. He started slamming my head into the wall as I lay crumpled and bleeding on the floor. I screamed, but nome of the neighbors offered to call the police until it was over, and he left.
Ever since that incident, I've had trust issues and PTSD, resulting in numerous flashbacks. These flashbacks are so scary…I had one this afternoon, and I was in that horrible moment again. I've had therapy in the past, but I need to return for more counseling. It's hard dealing with flashbacks because there are many triggers. I was such a nervous wreck today, so I slept for long hours. I'll never feel entirely safe 100% of the time, I often see ppl who resemble my ex. and my heart races. I hate living like this…I've tried to move on, but the triggers are always present, and so is the fear.
I could use a bit of support, thanks for reading.
Honey
Thanks so much…I've tried putting all the negative stuff behind me, but then the flashbacks bring it all back.
Your story is really a scary one. It is going to be rough to heal from such an ordeal. It may take a long time. I think your safe talking about it here. As you heal the flash backs may decrease in frequency until there are very few with which to deal God bless you on this tough journey
Thanks for your supportive feedback…it's appreciated. I'm trying my best to cope, but's not easy and I often feel defeated. One day at a time….
I am so sorry. I know exactally what you are going though. I am also a victim of domestic abuse. I have been through it more than once. Physical and emotional I have experienced both. It is very hard to cope with, I agree. I too have flashbacks and trust issues. For me the toughest part to get past is the emotional abuse. I run across so many triggers that I struggle with it daily. I have tried therapy, but it hasn't helped much. If you would like someone to talk to I would gladdly lend an ear. Some times it's nice to talk to someone who understands what you are going through.
Hi Missfruitloop, thank you for your supportive comment. I'm sorry that you also suffered from domestic abuse, it's a horrible thing. It seems we have some things in common…l look forward to chatting sometime.
Thanks Natalie, I’m still fighting the "demons," following my abuse, but therapy has helped over the years. I hope my blog will help others who have been down the same road. Your support is appreciated, especially since you understand the impact of domestic violence. Sorry for your experiences, but at least we are survivors.
Honey
Hi Eric, I appreciate all the support and encouragement I can get….thank you so much. I'm still trying to get into therapy, but there always seems to be some kind of obstacle in the way. I do realize that all men are not like my ex, but I can't get past my trust issues, and the biggest fear is anyone with an explosive temper. A long time ago, I did blame myself…but it was never my fault. My ex was a troubled individual who needed help with his jealousy and anger issues, he pursued me, in spite of the restraining order.
Sorry for the physical abuse your wife suffered from someone she dated. There is never any excuse for a man to abuse a woman. It is sad that she ended up in the hospital, but thankfully she survived her injuries. I truly understand how her dad must have felt about it…my loved ones had similar feelings. Thanks again for your support. ((Hugs))
Honey