I've never felt this emotion before, but whatever it is it sucks. I feel like bursting into tears because I feel bad.Usually if I say something that I realize is bad I either think to myself 'You should feel bad about doing or saying that.' or a tiny bit of my heart feels bad; usually about 1 or 2% of it. But right now I feel like my whole heart is hurting; not physically, but like it's about to start crying. I feel really bad.

It all happened because my boyfriend and I were giving each other teasers about what we are going to get each other for our anniversary. I'm going to get him a gift he's been wanting for the past month, a $25 spending limit to Taco Bell and I'm going to go take him to go see a movie that he's been dieing to see. He said that he's going to get me a necklace. And when he said that I immedately started to tell him how he needs to make sure that it's real because my skin is very acidic (my skin literally turns green in an hour and the paint is gone from the jewelry.) and I just kept going on and on about what kind of jewelry I like…etc. Then about 5 long sentences in I realized that what I was saying was something that I shouldn't have said. Then I started to feel really bad.

And it didn't help because when I apologize he just said that what I said is making him reconsider getting me a gift. The thing is, I don't feel like this because of the gift I feel like this because now I feel like he thinks that whatever he gets me won't be something that I like or something like that.

Doesn't anyone know what's this emotion I'm feeling? I know it's an emotion that's making me feel bad. I guess it'd be sadness, wouldn't? But I've felt sad before but never like this. Anyone have any ideas?

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    I'd guess you were sinking deeper into depression and need help before some of the really bad stuff of depression kicks in.

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