With all the things at home, financial hardships and all the stuff going on in the world it’s just been…. well crazy. Now the holidays are fastly approching… dun dun dunnnnnnn! I am trying to remain calm but of course that is easier said than done. My husband has finally been informed that his treatment is almost over and his case will be closed soon so now I have to really have to work even harder to find a job that will pay the rent which will not be to easy to do. I am very stressed and scared about that. I have been trying and trying to find a job. Sending out resume after resume with a few responses and no takers. I am mad at myself because I feel like I am probably not coming off as confident enough to the interviewers even though I know I can do the job. If they would just take a chance of me regardless of whatever their impression is of me then they would be pleasently surprised. With all this rejection of course it affects my self esteem and mekes me feel like I am not good enough. I do though pick myself up and keep putting myself out there. I really have no choice. RIght now I have a few bills that have come up that were unexpected things that I cannot afford to pay but have to pay other wise it will make it all worse. I had to put off paying on of my credit cards and have till tomorrow to pay it or they will close my account. I put off paying my dogs tags and got caught in a random hous visit by the Animal control. Luckily if I can come up with the money by the 11 it will be cheaper than it would ofg been. Still money I don’t have but I will work something out. My electricity bill is still behind from the summer. SO much shit! Fuck! I hate being broke! Please God give me the patience to overcome all this frustration and pain…… I know it will all work out somehow. It has to cause otherwise I will be really fucked…… AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!