I haven't been on in along time. there is so much that is going on. I finished class time and i start my placement on Tuesday. I haven't wanted to go out and be around too many people, I've kind of withdrawn a bit. Last night I had a few friends over, two from school(SSW) class, and my neighbour, and two girls I know from my home town.  I haven't been made to feel bad about myself in a while, leaving class may actually destroy me. Last night, it seemed like I was being jumped on, my friend from my home town who is louder than anyone else, kept telling stories that were making me look bad, my neighbour was trying to make me look bad, and my husband did nothing..as usual. And I actually feel used because my two friends from school, I feel have used me to get in touch with each other…one male and one female. I may have it wrong but I don't think so. Now that they have each others number, I'm not needed to be the middle girl anymore. My husband got tanked which he does all the time even when it's my time to get tanked..my friends, or my after school dinner, but yet he drinks more than I and he was supposed to be the driver…I hate him sometimes…so I was upstet last night, I left the house in the middle of the night, upset and went for a walk, I was a little drunk..Dave didn't even notice I was gone…all I could think about was how much I hated him…..I eventually came home because it was raining, but it hurts I wasn't even missed…you would think by now, knowing I have a mental illness he would stop this crap, but whatever…I think I want a divorce because i can't have a husband who ignores me all the time. unless he wants sex of course…i am so frustrated I want to hurt him…..

sorry huge rant…I just want my life to be fulfilled…I am thinking of changing my meds and trying meds that will help me stop drinking…and as for my friends…no more will I mix my school friends with my home friends, and no more will I host people over to drink…with our without my husband who enjoys stealing the attention and making me look bad…WHATEVER