This is my first time here. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I have alot on my chest and need to get it off. So…. here goes

Im anxious nervous depressed overwhelmed tired and idk out of control sometimes. ive been told i have aniexty depresson and im bipolar. this has been going on for 3 years now. 2 years ago i was hospitalized bc i lost control. thought everything  was going good hen i fell back down to where i was 2 years ago. i hv been able to control things for now but idk what im going to do anymore. trying new meds going to go to a support group near where i live talking to anyone who will listen bbut it is just not helping. my thoughts wont quick racing about anything and everything. im contantly worried bout something heck usually eveerything except for taking care of my self. i always put my self last and i feel thats y im going back down hill. i feel as though if i dont help everyone else first either they will be dissapointed or i will feel like crap bc i couldnt do it. whatever it would be. i work a crap job from 4am to 8am getting paid little to nothing just to try to make ends meet and still dont. can harley pay the bills top keep a roof over my familys head and food in their bellies. i have 2 children under the age of 5 and an amazing husband who supports me everyday all day no matter how mean i am to him or how much i mess up. i could cry all day and still not feel better bout anything so y cry anymore? i feel lost sabout everything. i just want to be happy and for my family to be happy. bc no matter how much i put a smile on my face my children and husband know its completly fake. if anyone thinks they can help please do so. for anyone who took their time to read this entry…. THANK U VERY MUCH!.

1 Comment
  1. MusicHelps 8 years ago

    I cried the whole way through reading this , I completely get it!! I've just joined this page hoping to find people to talk to that feel the same. M husband doesn't understand , how can he when he's never felt like this . I can't sleep at night cuz my mind is running a million miles an minute about shit that doesn't even matter . I can't even keep up with it sometimes and then all of a sudden a thought of ' I wish I was dead' would pop into my head from nowhere .. I'd never want to do anything. But it pops into my head and then I cry and cry cuz I can't believe I just thought that.
    During the day I can't handle the kids cuz I'm so exhausted and irritated , if I'm no angry I'm upset that I'm angry. I have 3 young children that don have the best of me , I can't be bothered doing anything , I have to force myself. I have to force myself to put on a happy face to get through he day and I wonder what the point of it all is . I lov my family and I don't want to feel this way.
    I get anxious , mostly if I'm out , that something bad is gonna happen like get shot or robbed or hijacked .. The list goes on .I always have the doors locked .. I can't watch the news cuz when I see stories like tha it adds a new worry for me , I drive myself insane!!!! Anyway add me if you like , we can compare crazy stories !, lol

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