Well so many ups and downs the last few weeks. I dk what i feel anymore. My meds are working cuz i dont feel suicidal which is good, right? But i am still angry with things that happen, so much that my heart hurts now and ik i have to be careful cuz i have a heart condition. It also runs in my family to die of a heart attack at a young age. I think the trouble i am having is that i dont have anyone here to talk to. I really need to start making friends and trying to see a therapist or go to group meetings again. I dk just right now i am at the point i dont want to see no one and hear there crap. I went to my dad for advice 2 days ago and for the first time in his life he saw me break down and cry. But i am glad i went to him cuz he made me feel better. He might not have been there for me growing up but he is there for me now, which i am glad. I dk its just with my health and other problems i am having its hard to see a bright future for myself. But ik i must be pretty bad because my dad told me no matter what time of the hour it is or where i am if i need him call him and dont do something stupid. He kept telling me he loved me over n over again, guess he felt i needed to hear that and he was somewhat right. But the thing is i want to hear it more from a person who wants to stand by my side as a bf or husband. I miss having a family i miss it alot. I finally saw my son on Sunday after of a month not seening him, i about cried cuz i missed him so much. I cant believe a person can decide to take that away from someone. How can u not let ur mom/dad see there child its inhumane. My ex husband has no right. But for right now i cant do nothing about it which is sad. I finally saw my daughter last night she is here now she spent the night. My other ex husband decided to let her spend the night at the last moment. I think he just wanted to get rid of her to go out partying. I texted him a few mins ago to find out what time he will lend me the car and he said he was sick so yea. I am also having trouble with him cuz other other issues but its too long to go into detail right now, but if ur interested u can message me n i can tell u in private. I been crying sometimes but not much not like how i use to which is very good. I hope i will get through this and start my new life. Til then One day @ a Time!

2 Comments
  1. eli1 10 years ago

    sounds like you had a postive experience with your dad, that can be very healing. You sound like a very caring mom. I hope thing get better for you.

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  2. cleopardi 10 years ago

    i am glad u saw your daughter and got to get close with your father.  maybe with all that u can start getting things together.  i hope things work out for you soon u eserve some happiness.  cindy

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