Another person is leaving my work next week im just gutted about that im trying to get used to one person going and then another one goes its not fair. Ive tried saying to myself that they are only work mates but its hard when i dont feel like ive got anyone else. Everytime i open up to someone they leave, so in the end i start blaming myself i know its not my fault but it feels like it is. I either trust people to easily or not at all and by the time i do start to trust them its to late.
I had to walk out of work last night it just got to much for me to cope with luckily i managed to talk myself in going back to work. Its alot of effort for me to do anything at the moment i just want to curl up in bed and cry all day.
I cant stop washing my hands its saving me from not cutting myself.
I want to take all my anger out on someone by hitting them, i think one day i will probably hit someone as i wont be able to stop myself. It feels like im having a 24 hour panic attack i just cant seem to calm myself down.
Im so paranoid that if i see two people online at the same time or if i walk into a room and it goes quiet then i think they must be talking about me.
No one really understands me when i talk but then i think that i dont really understand myself what is going on.It people start talking to me i normally end up shutting off and stop listening to them i dont mean to.
Work is the only thing trying to keep me busy but i just cant be bothered.
I cant do anything on my own as thats when i have panic attacks, the other day was the first time in months that i managed to go to the doctors and back home again. I need someone there to reassure me that everything is going to be ok and stop me from talking myself out of it as im really good at that.

The people that i feel close to i think that i rely on them to much maybe i should stop talking to them and keep it to myself becuase then nothing can go wrong.

2 Comments
  1. rosie1986 12 years ago

    thanks ive just downloaded it so i will listen to it soon

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  2. rosie1986 12 years ago

    i doubt it i think that im always going to be a loner. Its hard when they are the only real people that i talk to in the real world and everyone else is virtual.

    I hate cutting myself but its just a way of showing people the pain that im going through and at the time i think it helps. I know there are people are alot worse off than me. I know that ive always got someone like you or someone else that i can talk to. Ill try given hitting a pillow ago but im sure it wont help me.

    Your right i just paranoid about people being online at the same time, i didnt mean on this site i just meant in genaral, and this doesnt help me get on with my life if i ge pnoidbout supid stuff. 

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