I just joined this site. I guess I can write about things here.

Tonight I've been thinking about how I feel pretty apathetic. I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy. I've lost most of my friends and don't feel like making any new ones. I've come to like being alone. I don't always even want to be alone, but friends don't seem to last and people irritate me so much. I oversleep. I took a nap for 3-4 hours today and still feel like sleeping. And it's not just when I'm tired. I can't imagine being happy only sleeping 7-8 hours every night. Maybe it's because I lost interest in hobbies and don't know what else I'd do. Maybe because I don't feel much energy. I don't know why, but I seem addicted to sleep. I've also had a decreased appetite lately. I've thought maybe it was because of drinking so much tea, since tea can suppress appetite. But now I'think there might be another reason.

I've noticed most of the time I feel pretty neutral. Not happy, not sad, not angry. Though when I really start thinking about this stuff, it can make me feel sad. Mostly I just feel empty. I just don't care about life anymore. I've lost hope in my ambitions. I don't feel I'm really striving for anything. My life seems pretty hopeless, and why work so hard when I'm just going to die anyway? I've just lost motivation to do anything. I've had bad motivation issues for years, but it just seems to be getting worse.

I've had some of these symptoms for years: lack of energy, lack of motivation. I've thought before I might be depressed, but now it seems to be so clear. No wonder I have motivation issues if it's a symptom of something I can't help. I've been told I have to motivate myself, but I just can't seem to. Maybe this is why.

My mom has never seemed too concerned. She doesn't think there's really anything wrong with me. So nothing changes and I just go on like this.

Also, I get depressed sometimes, but most of the time i just feel neutral. But these feeligs of pointlessness are constant. So I seem to alternate between feeling sad and just feeling empty and apathetic.

So to anyone who might read this and has experienced any of this, is it normal? Is it normal to not even care about life and just live because you're alive, not having anything to live for? Is it normal to give up on your dreams and just not care about much of anything anymore? Is it normal to lack motivation in pretty much every area of your life and feel powerless to change it? I just don't think it is.

I wish I could change and feel some passion for life, but at the same time I jut don't care. I don't have the motivation to make much of an effort to change it. But if this doesn't change and I don't get some motivation, my life will really be ugly then.