My moods go up and down like a yo-yo. Sometimes it's the bipolar, but at other times it is usually weather related. I don't do well without sunshine. It is like the air I breathe. The funny thing about spring isn't just watching the birds, butterflies and the like mate, build nests, and raise their young all within 3-4 weeks time, it is also seeing the green reappear, the trees budding forth, and the wind blowing; then we all know the old adage…. April showers bring May flowers.

It is hard to know how to dress even. One day it hits 80 degrees, the next it plummets to 40. All the while, I'm trying to figure out where I am mentally. I know I have the seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and some days it is really a challenge if it is overcast or rainy, but add that on top of anxiety, depression, and the like, and you tend to feel like an F4 tornado in the making.

I originally had my follow-up visit with my psych doc scheduled for April 27. Two weeks ago they called and said I had to reschedule it. They started rattling off other dates in April and I could feel the anxiety churning within me. Finally I told the lady I couldn't make that kind of decision in just a few mins., so I scheduled it for early May. But the downside was that I told her I would probably run out of my meds. And so I did. So this meant calling the office to figure out what to do and within 10 mins. the lady called me back telling me she was able to refill all my meds and to keep on track, she scheduled my new appt for May 17. So now I can slowly push my anxiety back until I get close to that point.

While I know the ladies who schedule are used to all different kinds of patients with mental/emotional disorders, I don't think they realize that it isn't just all about the meds. Since I don't see a therapist, this means anything deliberate going on in my world means I need to share that with him. How do you explain the uneasiness that builds within you because the things you're having difficulty with aren't the kind of things that friends and family are geared to understand or give advice about.

How do you tell your brother and sister-in-law with whom you might live with, that as soon as your feet hit the floor in the morning your anxiety starts to build and despair starts to kick in starting with what I'm going to prepare for dinner, what kind of chores need to be done, etc. Well I guess I just thank God that it's only my anxiety and not my depression added into the mix.

I have one good friend who has an anxiety disorder so she knows how I get, and to some extent that's a help. Does anybody other than me wonder if it will ever just go away?

Anyway, I logged onto YouTube and came across a cool video called:

~ A Gift of Love ~ by RabAdamson. I thought I would share it because it pretty much covers a lot of the feelings that we on DT have experienced.


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