So last night, my friend Had this mini moment of a break down , now in the past ive stopped him & several others from commiting suicide. i guess im like that person they go to. Dont get me wrong im glad to help, i truely care , ive always been there through everything. So He was having this Hard time or still is anyways about his ex ( my friend Jenny). So i kept telling him He could Just TRY to get up & Have a great time out somewhere get his mind off things You know?
After that we stopped talking for a few hours. So this guy later on tells me that My friend that was talking to me earlier wants to tell me & i quote " thanks For helping me Earlier" Which he said sarcastically. He Just kept saying i didnt do anything & all this stuff. i Just Bursted out with "So its My fault Now ? ive been nothing but positive & i keep telling You Everything Can change You Just CHOOSE not to at least try So sorry that i didnt help, What am i supposed to do ."
That really got me thinking , about how each time ive "helped" showed Just how useless i was, & how things Just never seem to change. like ive made it worse, i felt like everyones weight was on my shoulders. Nothing ive said matters ? Call me stupid because i might be acting sensitive on this but , what if its true ; that really made me get flash backs to ANY little thing & How stupid ive been for even trying. i dont even know where to begin on How Drastically i couldve changed everything if i hadnt even been involved in anyones life .
then there was this Moment when i Just dreamt ofmyself in the bathtub wrists slit & Just there thinking save me , someone . Then i realized thats how i felt about everything Yet no ones coming & im stuck there.