It almost feels as if I'm in a dreamworld.. something that is not reality. It's very bizarre…. It's like I feel like I'm constantly out of it, and juts kind of going through the motions while inside my head is spinning.. Is this normal?
It's weird also that I would rather be by myself then with otehrs.. I am like 10 times happier.. Its very bizarre as I am a very social person, but it seems my FAVORITE thing to do in this world is just sit in my bed on the computer listening to music, or reading a boook.. Like I would chose this over going to Hawaii or finding th elove of my life or anything.. It's very weird. It's almost like I'm blocking people out of my life, but I'm trying really hard to keep ym social life going.
I feel like there is no one out there who knows what I'm going through.. I'm only 19 and have this problem.. thats messed up. I'm so scared for my future.. I don't want to have to deal with this for 40-50 more years! I've been having anxiety attacks ever since i was like 6.. has anyone else had them this long? It almost makes me wonder if maybe something happened to me around that age that made me the way I am that I can't remember? Maybe raped or someone leaving me that was close? but honestly I can't remember anything at all bad that happened to me as a child. I just wonder how you can be so panicky and worried as a little kid and carry it with you to adulthood.. It must be genetic or something wrong with my brain.. I feel like maybe someday I should get. oh whats it called, a catscan? Idk, I just don't think the way I'm living is normal at all.. I mean i have NEVER been normal my entire life and it seems that everyone on this site is somewhat new to anxiety or has only had it since they were 20 or 30… Ive had it my entire life.. somethings messed up here.. i was never given a chance dammit!
I bought two books online.. One book I cant remember the title but its about hypochondria and getting over it. I bought another called "The anxiety workbook" which seems really neat, and it got REALLY good reviews on people saying it helped a lot.. I think anything is worth a try right now. Has anyone been to a support group and found that helpful? I was thinking of joining one..hm.
Ah well I just hope this feeling of "depersonalization" or whatever you want to call it doesn't last and fades away.. It's like I'm in an alternate reality or dreamworld so to speak. Creepy! The only time I feel sane is when I'm sleeping, which seems I never get enough. Most peopleon this site seem to have insomnia.. I have the exact opposite where I can sleep upwards of like 14 hours a day, and still be tired. It's so hard for me to wake up in the morning.. like ridiculously hard.
Still looking for a good penpal around my age who is going through the same things.. I really need someone to talk to about all of this since I'm not seeing a therapist and all of my friends and family can't relate to what I've been feeling lately.
Thanks for the support guys, just letting this all out has made me happier already.
Thanks 🙂
I feel or have felt a lot of the same way you are. I think you may also have depression. It usually goes hand in hand with anxiety. I have had depression ever since I was little and I have always been a worry-er. Not until just almost 2 yrs ago did I get my first panic attack and eversince that I have had really bad anxiety all the time and panic attacks every now and then. Ever since the panic attacks started it seems all of my other ailments were amplified by like 100 times! I have always felt something just wasn't right with me, I also wonder and suspect that maybe something dramatic happpened to me as a child such as some form of abuse, maybe sexual. But I can't remember anything and I have heard of how people do subconciously block out really horrible things in their life. As well, I too have a sleeping problem and it always goes from one extreme to the other, normally I could sleep forever and the longer I sleep the more I want to sleep and I love to sleep, I feel the most at peace when I am sleeping, I dont have to struggle with any of the tricks my mind plays on me. Though, eversince the panic attacks I have also had a problem with insomnia when my anxiety is really bad though, thats when I think that if I go to sleep I might die when Im sleeping! It's awful!
Honestly, I have done a lot of thinking and some research and I really think it has something to do with stress and the way your body handles it. We have to learn how to let go and relax and not stress out about everything and not think so much about everything! I am a hypochondriatic thinker, not sure thats a real condition, but I over think everything to the point that I make myself sick over the littlest most insignifficant things! You have to take one day at a time and try your best to get through it! I think you should try looking into yoga or meditation classes as well as a support group those things wont hurt you, I can only see them helping, cut out all stimulants like caffeine, sugar, no alcohol and no smoking tobacco or anything else! Do relaxing things, hot baths, relaxing music, aromatherapy like with lavender and chamomile. Don't put yourself in the company of stressful people or situations. Its all about retraining your mind, you should see a therapist and do cognitive behavior therapy, I think its called, your therapist teaches you how to rethink and how to re-react to things. The tricky part is finding a good therapist that works for you. You should as well be seeing a doctor for medications for depression and anxiety, at least just until all is settled with yourself, until you've gotten under control. Some herbal stuff helps but I would be careful of some of the stuff, really get yourself educated about anything you decide to do.
I know its overwhelming and kind of discouraging, I too think "is this what the rest of my life is going to be like" "if so I dont want it!" but like im sure youve heard and its true, "where there's a will there's a way!" You have to be strong and persistant and having supportive people in your life helps a lot. I know how you feel and I know what you are going through. I dont have anyone thats supportive in my life either, thats why I chose to visit this site. I will be here for you if you need anything! Take care and I will talk to you again soon! Stay strong!
Nicole
Well heres the thing. Ive been seeing therapists ever since I was probably around10 years old and I just can't seem to break the habit of constantly worrying about every little thing. I would love to take yoga classes, but to be completely honest I think even that would stress me out because its another thing I would have to add to my schedule.. and let me tell you I hate having things on my schedule.
Currently I am on medication, however I they keep increasing it and it doesnt seem to help. Also there are NO COGNITIVE BEHAVORIAL therapists in my area..NONE! I Have done so much research looking for any therapist that my insurance will cover and the ones that are covered I've been to and they are all awful and talk about "past family experiences" and "relationships with others" and "divorce" none of which can help me.
If anyone has any ideas on how to find me a therapist, that would be greatly appreciated as I'm tired of not being able to get professional help.