Just when i thought i had the perfect plan to die ….i thought so long and hard , planned everything to be perfect , they came into my house trying to wake me up , took me out , everyone is looking to see what is happening , i would think they all would have something better to do , not awake or really seeing all these people , for i have only five minutes to die … i don't know what happened in the intense four days that i was there ..when i finally woke i was not medically stable feeling scared and alone , wondering where i am , no one cared i was there still alone , then released in a ambulance going to the phyc hospital this beautiful place i saw , wondering why would the ambulance drivers would let me smoke , they where to men , probably thinking i was pretty and funny , which i don't see but people always say about me .. But i'm so much more than that i'm so deep , in pain crying inside just to have someone just listen and hug me , of course i made it , and everyone so mad at me and thinking did anyone ask me if i was mad .. yes i was made it through all of that , never to be the same . I'm alive wow really now faced to live in a world without being high and no one loves me .i remember when my mom died and called her and she said she hated me and wished me dead .. she did not get her way again ..only to punsish me again..to live with that thought FOREVER . So hear i sit lonely sad and deppressed of course w/ nothing to calm me .. just me , and i think who i am and i really never fit in this world . those words my mom said were her last .can anyone really hear me …….. lost w/ a broken heart .. waiting for someone just to luv me !!!!!!!!!