i hate this, hate being here, hate being alive. i hate everyone and everything. but… i found someone. well, we found eachother. he's all i could ever ask for. he's amazing and sososo increadible. i love him, just as he loves me. but… it isn't like that. we're not in love. there's some signifigant peice to our connection missing. the part that would make us inseperable… it isn't there. he cares, and loves me, and is always there for me. i ca go to him, talk to him about anything and everything, he won't judge me, he always supports me, and he's there for me… so wouldn't you think that would do something to change me and my screwed up self? shouldn't such the drastic impact he has on me be enough to at least think before i bring the blade to skin? he helps me survive every day, always knowing what to say, how to encourage me to keep trying. but it hasn't altered my thinking or helped ceice the unbearable pain inside… but for now i'll just continue to hold on to the hope and trust i've invested in him… i'll wake up and smile, all because he deserves at least that much. i mean, he deserves waaaay more, but i have nothing left of value to offer. he's done so much for me, yet all i can do to repay him is constantly complain and go on and on and on about what i'm feeling and how much my life sucks, all because he cares and he listens and he loves me and i love him… i wish it could be true love, but i've accepted that love is entirely outof our control… so, for him, i'll live and go through everything day after day after day after day after day after…………