As my insomnia kicks in,

I think about my life.
I wonder who really loves me
or if they really care.

As I cut myself somewhere and

the blood runs down,
the pain goes away for a while.
Until my next breakdown.

A tear upon my face,
my smile turns a frown.
I still wish I wasnt born,
I wish I wasnt here.

Wanting to kill myself again and again,
but I cant do it,
I dont want to hurt my mom,
the one person Im alive for.
But the only one Id die for.

I know she wouldnt be able to move on,
she would probably die of hurt,
but why do I have to suffer?
Why do I have to carry on?

I love my dad,
but not for some things he’s done.
I wish he would talk to me more,
and let me know why he’s gone.

My mental state is hanging on by a string.
Ready to break,
my mind is so unstable,
my heart also aches.

Steve told me he loves me,
but then just packed up one day.
I came home to nothing,
why did you have to run away?

He came back to me again,
now Im afraid everyday,
that he’ll leave one day,
and once again run away.

He tells me he wont,
but this hurt I have inside,
just wont go away.

Im so scared to go anywhere,
in fear he will leave.
I wont have anyone to turn to,
Because my family lives so far away.

Im so insecure about myself,
becasue of my past,
I see all these girls,
with their makeup and the way that they
dress.

They make you feel down,
and feel like shit.
Even though I may be smarter,
It gets even harder.

Why does life have to blow?
Why did I have to be born into this world?

Why did you come into my life?
Why did my mom and dad divorce? (was it me?)
Why did Lenny and mom divorce? (was it me?)
Why is my brother so manic?
Why am I so crazy?
Why are poeple so happy?
Why are we at war?
Why is this world so fucked up?
Why do I cut myslef?
Why do I want to die?
Why do I want to be loved so bad?
Why do I even care?

When I took those pill’s I was suppose to die,
but instead I called someone,
and I still dont know why.
I was an idiot to think,
my world would change if I was kept alive.
And now as I cry,
I still want to die.