Hello to anyone out there,

I have just found and joined this site due to sheer frustration.  I have never done this kind of thing before and hope that I don't bore people by letting some of my frustration out.  I have dealt with depression for 15 years now and this most recent stint has been by far the worst.  I have been on sick leave from work for about 3 months and am glad to say in a much better place than weeks previous.  Now I am feeling better though, there is a whole new kettle of fish to deal with.  I feel like I could be on the verge of returning to that 'place'  due to the new pressures of picking up the pieces.  It is ever such a daunting place to be.  I feel guilty about the nhs service I work for not having the post being fulfilled and from being off sick for such a long time.  It is not that I have been made to feel guilty, it's just that I do.  I have been ever so upset with my boss, even though his is a clinical lead for nursing, not seeming to understand my illness.  He has had his job to do and I can imagine the pressures he is under to get me back in post, but I haven't had a broken leg!  What he has asked of me regarding deadlines for meetings with HR and Occi health has just been far too much for me to handle. I can't even write this email without being in floods of tears. (yes, an improvement, I can cry again!!)  I have been tardy about sending him my sick notes, but sometimes it has taken me days to get over just going to the doctors office.  He didn't accept one of my doctors notes, apparently it wasn't clear on what the exact dates were and so got another one.  I was still underpaid almost £800.  It has just a blow to an already strained marriage due to the depression.  I am so very upset about it.  Never the less,  I now want to get back to work now and just don't want to face the difficulties within the nhs and would like to totally move out of this arena.  For a lady of my age without any degree I am finding this more difficult than anticipated.  This is just one of the things on my mind that is causing pressure and I am just terrified that these new issues will send me back to the dog house, so to speak.  Thanks for reading this blog.  Any sort of thoughts would be so very much appreciated.