I just found out via Facebook that one of my best friends is engaged. Well, I say best friend … We used to be so incredibly close a few years ago. But when things went bad between me and my ex, I lost a lot of people. We were the glue that held the entire friendship group together, so when we fell apart after ten years, the friendship circle fell apart with us. It was sad, not simply because my relationship had come to an end, but also because the people that I once called family became distant. They were stuck in the middle of a very difficult and volatile feud, and while me and my ex were never the type of people to expect or even want friends to choose between us, it was almost inevitable that as the one who moved away from the immediate area, in turn the friendship ties slowly unravelled. Admittedly, I could have made more of an effort, but I was battling severe depression and was adamant I didn't want my closest friends to have to see me / deal with me in that state. And on the flip side, they also could have made more of an effort. I feel sad I haven't even met this girl he loves so strongly he wants to commit his life to. I feel sad that I find out via Facebook, and not a private text or call. And moreso, I feel sad that I know I will not get to celebrate this life changing event with him. I understand why, more than I could write here to allow others to understand. However, understanding doesn't make me any less sad. It serves to remind me how much I have lost. Granted, I have gained a lot and there is a lot in this 'new life' that I would not change. But I lost so so much that can never be regained, and that feeling of sadness will always consume a part of me. I shall call him to congratulate him. I shall hold it together in order to be happy for my friend who I still love very much despite the obvious and apparent distance between us. I shall be happy for him because, despite the events of the past that drove us all to seperate, he will always be family in my heart. I apologise for any typos. I am writing this in my phone for the first time.


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