Hello everyone! I have not blogged in awhile. I hope everyone is doing good. I have started school again at a University….finally! I even managed to get a scholarship. Not a full ride but almost ten grand. It is a lot of work but I am majoring in accounting which i really enjoy.So i hope to be done in two years. Now to thegood stuff. OCD sucks big time but I have stopped ruminating almost completely. I have been off my meds for awhile and even managed to lose some of the weight that i gained whileI was on them. I am by no means OCD free i still have horrible intrusive thoughts most of the time. They seem to be getting worse in content but I feel like OCD knows that i just don't give a crap anymore. I'm just like oh yah…that is messed up…. whatwas i doing. I believe that i read somewhere when you start fighting back with your OCD it gets worse because it cant scare you as much anymore? I could be wrong. I have been wrong before. Then I read another article about trusting yourself. It really opened my eyes; that my brain can think up as much crazy thoughts it wants but I must trust myself that I know what I feel what I value and who i am to know I will never do anything. I believe someone posted it on here actually. I don't know I miss talking to people who know what I am going through. When I was first diagnosed this site gave me hope and a sense of community. When I am at school or even around my family and friends I feel like they would never understand me. That they actually might hate me because of my intrusive thoughts. I guess that is another part I struggle with that nobody really knows me because how could I ever tell them anything. I started out so happy and now I am depressing myself lol. Anyways thanks for reading 🙂

2 Comments
  1. brightcolorsofblue 8 years ago

    hi I know that feeling and recently I've also learned to fight back and not give in to this demon so just stay strong and deal with it one day at a time 🙂 if ever you want to talk just message me take care

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  2. Amyelizabeth12 8 years ago

    I have intrusive thoughts! And I convince myself that I'm a terrible person for thinking them. My problem is that I feel the urge to tell people, either my mum dad brother or boyfriend, and it's exhausting. The anxiety gets too much and I end up telling them.. I feel sick if I don't because I feel like they need to know because they don't know who I really am and how horrible I am. Even if I've told them once before, if I can't remember I feel I have to tell them again. It hurts me because I know it's not true deep down but I convince myself it is and it's embarrassing for me to say to people! It's like a constant battle whether or not I should tell them or not, even if I know I did but can't remember exactly what I said. I feel like we have the same problem and its comforting to know I'm not alone, we can help each other xxx

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